--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00001 Date: 11/22/97 From: SAUL LEVY Time: 03:10am \/To: JO PESHEK (Read 0 times) Subj: Kitty Littering Jo, Very funny, but I don't think my cats would stand for being locked all the time in a dark room! -8-) Saul --- GOMail v2.02 [94-0145] * Origin: The Desert Reef >(;} * Tucson Az * V34 * 520 624 6386 (1:300/507) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00002 Date: 11/17/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 12:59pm \/To: JO PESHEK (Read 0 times) Subj: cats On 14 Nov 97, Jo Peshek wrote to Olef The Chef -- JP> OTC> Bork Bork Bork! JP> Thanks, Oaf, it's a nice translation program; I amused JP> myself with it for 10 minutes or so when I first got it JP> too, but it's really not cute anymore. On a releted nute-a I oonce-a ves et a freeend's huoose-a und he-a hed a noo leetter ooff keettens thet hed beee burn a foo veeks egu. Ve-a tuuk zeem oooot ooff zee cege-a und pleyed veet zeem oon zee deening ruum teble-a. Zeey vere-a elmust foolly groon, ebuoot zee seeze-a ooff a mun's pelm. My freeend hedn't nemed zee keettens yet, becoose-a zeere-a vere-a su muny ooff zeem. It suun beceme-a epperent thet zeese-a keettens vuoold stert unuzeer noo leetter iff my freeend deedn't get reed ooff zeem. Su ve-a vere-a deceeding vhet tu du veet thees prublem vhee he-a bruke-a oooot a cese-a ooff beer. Ve-a drunk und pleyed veet zee keettens ell thruoogh zee ifeneeng. Zee leettle-a keettens vere-a mekeeng toords ell oofer zee teble-a und leettle-a pooddles ooff peeddle-a leeked here-a und zeere-a. Ve-a vuoold peeck zeem up by zeeur teeels und poot zeem oon oooor shuoolders, ell zee vheele-a knuckeeng beck sume-a broo. Ve-a treeed tu geefe-a zee leettle-a creetters sume-a ooff it boot oonly oone-a deeegned tu teke-a a leettle-a seep ooff it. I gooess et thet teeme-a ve-a drunk must ooff zee cese-a ooff beer und ve-a vere-a pretty veeld. Ve-a sterted pleyeeng tuss veet zee leettle-a foorry creetoores und I treeed jooggleeng zeem. Vell, in oooor droonkee stete-a ve-a veren't dueeng tuu vell su ve-a tuuk zeem tu zee keetchee tu see-a vhet foon theengs zeere-a vere-a tu du veet zeem. Vell, thees huoose-a ves a beet oold fesheeuned, und oone-a ooff zee implements ves a red meet greender, yuoo knoo, oone-a ooff thuse-a theengs yuoo poot meet in a foonnel und toorn zee hundle-a und it cumes oooot in itty beetty peeeces? Yeeh, vell ve-a vere-a joost pretendeeng tu be-a pootteeng oone-a ooff zee keettens in, yuoo knoo, und ve-a vere-a loogheeng leeke-a muneeecs leeke-a it ves zee foonneeest theengs in zee vurld. My freeend ves shekeeng, und I theenk he-a lust hees greep. Et uny rete-a, ve-a cuooldn't feend zee keettee. It moost hefe-a fellee sumoohere-a. Su ve-a stuud eruoond tryeeng tu luuk thruoogh zee heze-a tu try tu feegoore-a oooot vhere-a it vent. Ve-a heerd leettle-a sqeekeeng nueeses in zee foonnel ooff zee meet greender, und in a feet ooff heelerity, ve-a spoon zee hundle-a a foo teemes. Bork Bork Bork! Mun, yuoo nefer heerd sooch a nueese-a. Zee leettle-a besterd hed fellee in, und vhee my freeend toorned zee theeng, zee keettee let oooot un ier peurceeng sqooeek, und yuoo cuoold heer leettle-a scretcheeng suoonds in it. bluud ves sterteeng tu dreebble-a oooot ooff zee ixhoost theengy, vheech ve-a thuooght ves ebsuoolootely theegh sleppeeng. Su ve-a vuoold toorn zee hundle-a a leettle-a, mekeeng a suoond,und zee zee leettle-a gooy vuoold gu , su ve-a vere-a gueeng und mun, ves it a reeut! Pretty suun it stupped mekeeng nueese-a und thees hurrendoos mess ves dreebbling ell oofer zee seenk su ve-a gefe-a it up und treeed tu feend zee rest ooff zee foorry rets. Bork Bork Bork! My freeend tuld me-a tu gezeer up zee rest ooff zee creetters und he-a vuoold be-a reeght beck. Vell, in my stoopur, I cuoold herdly stund steell, su peecking up zee uneemels vhu hed roon luuse-a ell oofer zee keetchee ves pretty herd. I peecked zeem up und poot zeem beck oon zee keetchee seenk. I ves a beet cloomsy und I heppened tu step oon oone-a, mekeeng a luood snep. Zee puur gooy ves ves lyeeng sqooeshed, hees erms tveetching eruoond leeke-a he-a ves tryeeng tu get up oor sumetheeng. Zeere-a ves bluud roonneeng oooot ooff hees iers. Mun, ves it a seeght! I peecked it up by its teeel und tussed it pleyffoolly et my freeend vhu run in veet un keetchee implement. He-a shooed me-a zee Qooseenert he-a hed guttee frum zee besement, und buy, deed ve-a hefe-a a feet! Ve-a ebsulootely shreeeked veet loogher es I gezeered up zee foorrbells thet vere-a roonneeng eruoond in zee seenk. Ve-a poot zeem in zee yelloo chember in zee mudern cooseene-a vunder. Vell, it vesn't iesy, vhet veet zeem cleembing oooot. Ve-a gut zeem ell seeled in, veet zee tup ve-a hed tu try a foo teemes tu meke-a it snep in plece-a. Buy, yuoo shuoolda seee thuse-a gooys in thet teeght spece-a! Zeey vere-a joompeeng ell oofer iech oozeer und luukeeng thruoogh thet plesteec, sneeffffing et it und pootteeng zeeur pevs up egeeenst it vhee ve-a tepped oon it. Zeeur beedy bleck iyes luukeeng et us inqooseetifely und zeeur nuses tveetching. Vell, ve-a cuooldn't huld ooffff zee tempteshun unymure-a; oooor seedes vere-a spleetting. Su es I looghed leeke-a a muneeec, my freeend's hund thoomped furmly oon zee "oon" boottun. Ooh, voo! Thuse-a Keettens leeped leeke-a crezy, leeke-a vhee yuoo sheke-a a bux ooff merbles. Zee blede-a vesn't dueeng tuu vell es thuse-a mungled keettens gut cooght oon zee blede-a und vere-a frunteecelly vefeeng zeeur pevs es zee mecheene-a greended. Thees oone-a gooy hed hees looer edbudmee reepped ooffff und yuoo cuoold see-a zee vet inseedes, und he-a ves crevleeng eruoond in hees frunt legs. Zeere-a ves unuzeer veet helff hees fece-a sleeced ooffff und he-a ves roobbeeng it veet hees pevs leeke-a he-a ves vundereeng vhet ves gueeng oon. Bork Bork Bork! Et uny rete-a, my freeend treeed tu get zee blede-a unstoock by poosheeng zee "Poolse-a" boottun a cuoople-a teemes, und zee Qooseenert ves gueeng "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!", vheech joost berely mesked oooot zee recket zee creetters vere-a mekeeng. Bork Bork Bork! Feenelly, zee dern creetoores stupped mufeeng eruoond, und zeen zee blede-a vent "clekety cleckety cleckety" es it greended up zee leettle-a keettee bunes. Ve-a cuooldn't see-a unytheeng in it effter thet, es zeere-a ves thees reddeesh broon peste-a smeered ell oofer zee seedes veet beets und peeeces ve-a vere-a tryeeng tu feegoore-a oooot vheech belunged tu vheech keettee. Ve-a vere-a reelly gueeng et it, boot zeen zee iffffects ooff zee beer ves feenelly tekeeng its tull, su ve-a deceeded tu cell it a neeght. I creshed in hees leefing ruum cuooch und choockled myselff tu sleep, es he-a foombled upsteurs. Bork Bork Bork! Su zee murel ooff thees stury is thet yuoo shuoold oonly pooree' leettle-a uneemels in a meet greender oor a Qooeesinert. Hoo muny "mun" seezed uneemels du yuoo knoo thet cun be-a pleced in sooch a smell plece-a? Hefe-a yuoo treeed thees veet ferrets? Hoo du yuoo knoo vhet is trooe-a? Vell, fects ere-a fects, booddy, und yuoo shuooldn't du thees veet toortles oor oozeer uneemels thet ere-a herd tu greend up. Gud deedn't meke-a Mun smell inuoogh, vheech leed tu zee fect thet ve-a hefe-a tu depend oon teeny creetoores fur interteeenment. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00003 Date: 11/19/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 01:01pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: kittens 42 veys tu get ilectreec pooer frum keettens 1. Steeck cupper und zeenc ilectrude-a-needles in ooppuseete-a inds ooff keettee. Use-a in sereees fur heegher fultege-a. -gvh 2. Shufe-a zeem beck und furt in Reecherd Gere's boott. Creetes steteec ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Gu tu Redeeu Check und ooffffer zeem zee keettee in ixchunge-a fur tvu EEA bettereees. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Ettech zee keettee tu a hund-crunk generetur und zeen drup it oontu a trempuleene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 5. Igneete-a in lerge-a noombers. Use-a heet releesed tu dreefe-a steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 6. Keednep und threetee tu turtoore-a. Ixturt runsum frum uneemel-reeghts ecteefists und oozeer untee-crooelty types: demund peyment in zee furm ooff ilectreec coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! 7. Drup keettens frum greet heeeghts. Use-a veter-meell leeke-a toorbeene-a tu generete-a ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 8. Drup lerge-a noombers ooff keettens intu ter peet, veeet a foo meelliun yeers, dreell fur croode-a ooeel et seme-a luceshun tu roon ilectreec toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 9. Culd Fooseeun -> Steem Toorbeene-a. Nu ixpluneshun necessery. -seunu 10. Uny furm ooff neootrun ceptoore-a / beta imeessiun. -seunu 11. Cunfeence-a keettens zeey're-a reelly lemmeengs. Shoo cleeffff tu keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Instell toorbeene-a helffvey doon cleeffff. Bork Bork Bork! 12. Densely peck keettens intu flyvheel shepe-a. Speen repeedly. Ettech generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 13. Poot keettee oon ilectreecity-genereteeng treedmeell. Feed beck smell purshun ooff genereted ilectreecity intu keettee breeen pleesoore-a center. Vetch heem generete-a hees leettle-a heert oooot! 14. Seel lerge-a qoounteety ooff keettens in eur teeght huldeeng tunks. Edd veter. Elloo sooeeteble-a teeme-a tu pess fur decumpuseeshun. Cullect methune-a ges resoolteeng. Poot ges in fooel cells. Bork Bork Bork! 15. Smoosh moochu keettens in a truoogh, use-a zee dreeppings/bluud tu roon a vetervheel fur hydruelectreec pooer. Bork Bork Bork! 16. Geefe-a keettens luts ooff sheetty beer. Use-a peess und fumeet tu roon hydruelectreec generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 17. Skeen keettee. Melt uneemel fet intu telloo und zeen furm cundles. Bork Bork Bork! Heet steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 18. Sveetch keettens fur P6 cheeps cumeeng ooff Intel essembly leenes. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity veell be-a inurmuoos. Cufer perffurmunce-a luss by releeseeng noo ferseeun ooff Veendoos NT et zee seme-a teeme-a. -gvh 19. Booeeld gless ruum. Poot keettens inseede-a. Poot cuceeene-a inseede-a. Bork Bork Bork! Gruoond zee fluur und ettech negeteefe-a leeds tu zee ceeeling. -gvh 20. Hefe-a keettee steel oone-a ooff koobe's megeec cerds. Leech pooer frum resoolteeng noocleer streeke-a. Bork Bork Bork! 21. Teech keettens tu pley bleckjeck. Oonce-a zeey're-a et zee cumpeteetife-a lefel, cunfeence-a Les Feges hutel oovners tu cunfert tu serfeeng keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity frum smeller leeghts, hutels, itc. -gvh 22. Eccoomoolete-a inuoogh keettens thet zee selff-grefeeteshunel furce-a cooses zee mess tu shreenk und heet up. Use-a zeermucuooples tu generete-a inergy. Bork Bork Bork! -gvh 23. Reeed PG&I curpurete-a heedqooerters. Threetee tu drup keettee doon CEO's punts unless he-a geefes yuoo a pooer plunt. -gvh 24. Get seferel duzee keettens. Shuut zeem up veet crystel met. Ettech dug sled. Bork Bork Bork! 25. (Thees is, unduoobtedly, zee vey tu get zee must pooer frum zeem) Cumbeene-a zee keettee veet un iqooel mess ooff unteemetter -- a untee-keettee iff yuoo veell. Zeen herness zee messeefe-a inergy releese-a fur pooer.... Bork Bork Bork! 26. Hefe-a zee Imperur verp und tveest a keettee clune-a intu un ifeel Untee-Keettee, Dert Keettee. Thees shuoold be-a guud fur 4-6 seqooels. Instell tenseeun tu ilectreecity cunferters intu zeeetre-a. -gvh 27. a. Feend a _guud_ geneteec ingeeneer. Bork Bork Bork! b. Spleece-a epprupreeete-a genes frum ilectreec iels intu keettens, becoose-a zeey're-a smeller und cooter und, vell, keettens. Bork Bork Bork! c. Feed zee keettens. Bork Bork Bork! d. Soorgeecelly instell epprupreeete-a ilectrudes. Bork Bork Bork! i. Pereeudicelly dreeen ooffff zee fultege-a. Bork Bork Bork! Unffurtoonetely, thees oonly gets yuoo DC coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! P.S. Hoo cuoold I hefe-a beee su bleend? Spleece-a in genes frum blooe-a-greee elgee-a es vell, und yuoo vuooldn't ifee hefe-a tu feed zee keettens! (Vell, meybe-a sume-a pusphuruoos und irun und stooffff) 28. Meeel zee ilectreec cumpuny a deed keettee ifery dey unteel zeey geefe-a yuoo pooer fur free-a. Bork Bork Bork! 29. Crussbreed keettee veet Muthra und use-a resoolteeng geeunt mootunt leeghtning-breetheeng keettee es pooer suoorce-a. Bork Bork Bork! 30. Geefe-a zee keettee tu Scutty, he'll feend sume-a vey tu yeeeld 20% mure-a pooer frum zee deelithioom crystels. Bork Bork Bork! 31. Teke-a thuoosunds ooff keettens intu oorbeet -- vhee zee oorbeet deceys, zeey veell heet up zee etmusphere-a. Veet inuoogh keettens, yuoo cuoold reeese-a zee plunets temperetoore-a es mooch es yuoo vunt. Bork Bork Bork! 32. Pooll zee keettee oooot ooff ruut@sude's ess. Zeen vhee zeey toorn red & imberressed, use-a zee heet frum zeeur red fece-a tu dreefe-a a Cernut ingeene-a 33. Immess inurmuoos qoounteeties ooff keettens unteel it reeches inuoogh mess tu begeen keettenffoosiun in zee cure-a. Use-a suler cells tu cunfert redeeueshun tu ilectreecity. - seunu 34. Throo in mure-a keettens tu 33 (ebufe-a) unteel zee keettenster gues soopernufa... yuoo cuooldn't vunt uny mure-a inergy thun thet... Bork Bork Bork! 35. Repeet 34 veet unuzeer mess ooff keettens... speen zee resoolteeng neootrun-keettens eruoond iech oozeer in a beenery oorbeet... use-a grefeety vefes tu rutete-a hydru-toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 36. Teke-a feefe-a oor seex heets ooff eceed. Tell yuoorselff fery furmly thet keettens _ere-a_ ilectreecity. (Vell, zeey'fe-a gut luts ooff ilectruns in zeem, yes?) Ecqooure-a keettens hooefer yuoo chuuse-a; "oopereshunelly", yuoo'fe-a noo gut ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! (I sey "feefe-a oor seex heets", becoose-a I feend thet theengs vheech vere-a perffectly cleer tu me-a effter _oone-a_ heet, i.g., thet zee vurd "Kroops" is ectooelly un meke-a oonumetupeeeec peeece-a ooff Germun slung fur un unpreenteble-a Feeennese-a precteece-a, meke-a ebsulootely nu sense-a effterverds; und Leery used tu teke-a feefe-a heets oor su. Q.E.D.) 37. Geefe-a zeem leettle-a megneteec cullers, und roon zeem thruoogh a meze-a ooff cueeled vures. Bork Bork Bork! 38. Redooce-a keettee tu zeeur cumpunent etums. Cumpress zee resoolteeng plesma unteel it fooses. Trunsffer zee releesed inergy feea heet/ingeene-a oor inergy cunferseeun scheme-a ooff yuoor chueece-a. -IReec 39. Teke-a tvu keettens, roon oone-a thruoogh a kleeen buttle-a tu cunfert it tu untee-metter. Cumbeene-a zee furst keettee veet zee untee-keettee. Herness zee resooltunt messeefe-a boorst ooff inergy es per #38 ebufe-a. -IReec 40. Drup keettee intu bleck hule-a. Use-a phutufulteeecs tu releese-a zee redeeeted inergy. -Ireec 41. It is a vell-knoon resoolt ooff qoountoom feeeld zeeury thet ell feeelds ere-a symmetreec under zee cumbeened ecshun ooff teeme-a-refersel, cherge-a-cunjoogeshun und pereety-inferseeun oopereturs: zee femeelier TCP symmetry. It is treefiel tu shoo thet teeme-a refersel und cherge-a cunjoogeshun but teke-a fermeeuns intu zeeur untee-perteecles. Use-a thees tu shoo thet ploockeeng keettens frum murrurs veell prudooce-a beoocuoop ilectrumegneteec redeeeshun. (Heent: Du yuoo need tu pooll zee keettens oooot ooff zee murrur _gueeng_beckverds_in_teeme-a_?) Reff: J. J. Sekooreee, _Edf. Qooun. Mech._ 42. Poot femele-a keettee scent oon gless rud. Releese-a mele-a keettee. He-a veell try tu roob hees foorry cuet egeeenst gless rud. Drevbeck: oonly creetes steteec ilectreecty. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00004 Date: 11/17/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 12:58pm \/To: PATRICK HAUGHIAN (Read 0 times) Subj: Which Came first On 14 Nov 97, Patrick Haughian wrote to All -- PH> Can anyone tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg It depends upon the gender ... as you probably know, studies have shown that females come first about 66.67% of the time ... --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00005 Date: 11/21/97 From: PAUL WANKADIA Time: 09:55am \/To: JOAN KELLY (Read 0 times) Subj: Which Came first On 15 Nov 97, Joan Kelly wrote to Patrick Haughian -- PH> Can anyone tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg JK> In a CAT echo, why would we concern ourselves with chickens? ===== On a releted nute-a I oonce-a ves et a freeend's huoose-a und he-a hed a noo leetter ooff keettens thet hed beee burn a foo veeks egu. Ve-a tuuk zeem oooot ooff zee cege-a und pleyed veet zeem oon zee deening ruum teble-a. Zeey vere-a elmust foolly groon, ebuoot zee seeze-a ooff a mun's pelm. My freeend hedn't nemed zee keettens yet, becoose-a zeere-a vere-a su muny ooff zeem. It suun beceme-a epperent thet zeese-a keettens vuoold stert unuzeer noo leetter iff my freeend deedn't get reed ooff zeem. Su ve-a vere-a deceeding vhet tu du veet thees prublem vhee he-a bruke-a oooot a cese-a ooff beer. Ve-a drunk und pleyed veet zee keettens ell thruoogh zee ifeneeng. Zee leettle-a keettens vere-a mekeeng toords ell oofer zee teble-a und leettle-a pooddles ooff peeddle-a leeked here-a und zeere-a. Ve-a vuoold peeck zeem up by zeeur teeels und poot zeem oon oooor shuoolders, ell zee vheele-a knuckeeng beck sume-a broo. Ve-a treeed tu geefe-a zee leettle-a creetters sume-a ooff it boot oonly oone-a deeegned tu teke-a a leettle-a seep ooff it. I gooess et thet teeme-a ve-a drunk must ooff zee cese-a ooff beer und ve-a vere-a pretty veeld. Ve-a sterted pleyeeng tuss veet zee leettle-a foorry creetoores und I treeed jooggleeng zeem. Vell, in oooor droonkee stete-a ve-a veren't dueeng tuu vell su ve-a tuuk zeem tu zee keetchee tu see-a vhet foon theengs zeere-a vere-a tu du veet zeem. Vell, thees huoose-a ves a beet oold fesheeuned, und oone-a ooff zee implements ves a red meet greender, yuoo knoo, oone-a ooff thuse-a theengs yuoo poot meet in a foonnel und toorn zee hundle-a und it cumes oooot in itty beetty peeeces? Yeeh, vell ve-a vere-a joost pretendeeng tu be-a pootteeng oone-a ooff zee keettens in, yuoo knoo, und ve-a vere-a loogheeng leeke-a muneeecs leeke-a it ves zee foonneeest theengs in zee vurld. My freeend ves shekeeng, und I theenk he-a lust hees greep. Et uny rete-a, ve-a cuooldn't feend zee keettee. It moost hefe-a fellee sumoohere-a. Su ve-a stuud eruoond tryeeng tu luuk thruoogh zee heze-a tu try tu feegoore-a oooot vhere-a it vent. Ve-a heerd leettle-a sqeekeeng nueeses in zee foonnel ooff zee meet greender, und in a feet ooff heelerity, ve-a spoon zee hundle-a a foo teemes. Bork Bork Bork! Mun, yuoo nefer heerd sooch a nueese-a. Zee leettle-a besterd hed fellee in, und vhee my freeend toorned zee theeng, zee keettee let oooot un ier peurceeng sqooeek, und yuoo cuoold heer leettle-a scretcheeng suoonds in it. bluud ves sterteeng tu dreebble-a oooot ooff zee ixhoost theengy, vheech ve-a thuooght ves ebsuoolootely theegh sleppeeng. Su ve-a vuoold toorn zee hundle-a a leettle-a, mekeeng a suoond,und zee zee leettle-a gooy vuoold gu , su ve-a vere-a gueeng und mun, ves it a reeut! Pretty suun it stupped mekeeng nueese-a und thees hurrendoos mess ves dreebbling ell oofer zee seenk su ve-a gefe-a it up und treeed tu feend zee rest ooff zee foorry rets. Bork Bork Bork! My freeend tuld me-a tu gezeer up zee rest ooff zee creetters und he-a vuoold be-a reeght beck. Vell, in my stoopur, I cuoold herdly stund steell, su peecking up zee uneemels vhu hed roon luuse-a ell oofer zee keetchee ves pretty herd. I peecked zeem up und poot zeem beck oon zee keetchee seenk. I ves a beet cloomsy und I heppened tu step oon oone-a, mekeeng a luood snep. Zee puur gooy ves ves lyeeng sqooeshed, hees erms tveetching eruoond leeke-a he-a ves tryeeng tu get up oor sumetheeng. Zeere-a ves bluud roonneeng oooot ooff hees iers. Mun, ves it a seeght! I peecked it up by its teeel und tussed it pleyffoolly et my freeend vhu run in veet un keetchee implement. He-a shooed me-a zee Qooseenert he-a hed guttee frum zee besement, und buy, deed ve-a hefe-a a feet! Ve-a ebsulootely shreeeked veet loogher es I gezeered up zee foorrbells thet vere-a roonneeng eruoond in zee seenk. Ve-a poot zeem in zee yelloo chember in zee mudern cooseene-a vunder. Vell, it vesn't iesy, vhet veet zeem cleembing oooot. Ve-a gut zeem ell seeled in, veet zee tup ve-a hed tu try a foo teemes tu meke-a it snep in plece-a. Buy, yuoo shuoolda seee thuse-a gooys in thet teeght spece-a! Zeey vere-a joompeeng ell oofer iech oozeer und luukeeng thruoogh thet plesteec, sneeffffing et it und pootteeng zeeur pevs up egeeenst it vhee ve-a tepped oon it. Zeeur beedy bleck iyes luukeeng et us inqooseetifely und zeeur nuses tveetching. Vell, ve-a cuooldn't huld ooffff zee tempteshun unymure-a; oooor seedes vere-a spleetting. Su es I looghed leeke-a a muneeec, my freeend's hund thoomped furmly oon zee "oon" boottun. Ooh, voo! Thuse-a Keettens leeped leeke-a crezy, leeke-a vhee yuoo sheke-a a bux ooff merbles. Zee blede-a vesn't dueeng tuu vell es thuse-a mungled keettens gut cooght oon zee blede-a und vere-a frunteecelly vefeeng zeeur pevs es zee mecheene-a greended. Thees oone-a gooy hed hees looer edbudmee reepped ooffff und yuoo cuoold see-a zee vet inseedes, und he-a ves crevleeng eruoond in hees frunt legs. Zeere-a ves unuzeer veet helff hees fece-a sleeced ooffff und he-a ves roobbeeng it veet hees pevs leeke-a he-a ves vundereeng vhet ves gueeng oon. Bork Bork Bork! Et uny rete-a, my freeend treeed tu get zee blede-a unstoock by poosheeng zee "Poolse-a" boottun a cuoople-a teemes, und zee Qooseenert ves gueeng "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!", vheech joost berely mesked oooot zee recket zee creetters vere-a mekeeng. Bork Bork Bork! Feenelly, zee dern creetoores stupped mufeeng eruoond, und zeen zee blede-a vent "clekety cleckety cleckety" es it greended up zee leettle-a keettee bunes. Ve-a cuooldn't see-a unytheeng in it effter thet, es zeere-a ves thees reddeesh broon peste-a smeered ell oofer zee seedes veet beets und peeeces ve-a vere-a tryeeng tu feegoore-a oooot vheech belunged tu vheech keettee. Ve-a vere-a reelly gueeng et it, boot zeen zee iffffects ooff zee beer ves feenelly tekeeng its tull, su ve-a deceeded tu cell it a neeght. I creshed in hees leefing ruum cuooch und choockled myselff tu sleep, es he-a foombled upsteurs. Bork Bork Bork! Su zee murel ooff thees stury is thet yuoo shuoold oonly pooree' leettle-a uneemels in a meet greender oor a Qooeesinert. Hoo muny "mun" seezed uneemels du yuoo knoo thet cun be-a pleced in sooch a smell plece-a? Hefe-a yuoo treeed thees veet ferrets? Hoo du yuoo knoo vhet is trooe-a? Vell, fects ere-a fects, booddy, und yuoo shuooldn't du thees veet toortles oor oozeer uneemels thet ere-a herd tu greend up. Gud deedn't meke-a Mun smell inuoogh, vheech leed tu zee fect thet ve-a hefe-a tu depend oon teeny creetoores fur interteeenment. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00006 Date: 11/21/97 From: PAUL WANKADIA Time: 09:56am \/To: STEVE CROFT (Read 0 times) Subj: Which Came first On 16 Nov 97, Steve Croft wrote to Patrick Haughian -- SC> PH> Can anyone tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg SC> The egg. What does this have to do with cats? ===== 42 veys tu get ilectreec pooer frum keettens 1. Steeck cupper und zeenc ilectrude-a-needles in ooppuseete-a inds ooff keettee. Use-a in sereees fur heegher fultege-a. -gvh 2. Shufe-a zeem beck und furt in Reecherd Gere's boott. Creetes steteec ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Gu tu Redeeu Check und ooffffer zeem zee keettee in ixchunge-a fur tvu EEA bettereees. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Ettech zee keettee tu a hund-crunk generetur und zeen drup it oontu a trempuleene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 5. Igneete-a in lerge-a noombers. Use-a heet releesed tu dreefe-a steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 6. Keednep und threetee tu turtoore-a. Ixturt runsum frum uneemel-reeghts ecteefists und oozeer untee-crooelty types: demund peyment in zee furm ooff ilectreec coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! 7. Drup keettens frum greet heeeghts. Use-a veter-meell leeke-a toorbeene-a tu generete-a ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 8. Drup lerge-a noombers ooff keettens intu ter peet, veeet a foo meelliun yeers, dreell fur croode-a ooeel et seme-a luceshun tu roon ilectreec toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 9. Culd Fooseeun -> Steem Toorbeene-a. Nu ixpluneshun necessery. -seunu 10. Uny furm ooff neootrun ceptoore-a / beta imeessiun. -seunu 11. Cunfeence-a keettens zeey're-a reelly lemmeengs. Shoo cleeffff tu keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Instell toorbeene-a helffvey doon cleeffff. Bork Bork Bork! 12. Densely peck keettens intu flyvheel shepe-a. Speen repeedly. Ettech generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 13. Poot keettee oon ilectreecity-genereteeng treedmeell. Feed beck smell purshun ooff genereted ilectreecity intu keettee breeen pleesoore-a center. Vetch heem generete-a hees leettle-a heert oooot! 14. Seel lerge-a qoounteety ooff keettens in eur teeght huldeeng tunks. Edd veter. Elloo sooeeteble-a teeme-a tu pess fur decumpuseeshun. Cullect methune-a ges resoolteeng. Poot ges in fooel cells. Bork Bork Bork! 15. Smoosh moochu keettens in a truoogh, use-a zee dreeppings/bluud tu roon a vetervheel fur hydruelectreec pooer. Bork Bork Bork! 16. Geefe-a keettens luts ooff sheetty beer. Use-a peess und fumeet tu roon hydruelectreec generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 17. Skeen keettee. Melt uneemel fet intu telloo und zeen furm cundles. Bork Bork Bork! Heet steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 18. Sveetch keettens fur P6 cheeps cumeeng ooff Intel essembly leenes. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity veell be-a inurmuoos. Cufer perffurmunce-a luss by releeseeng noo ferseeun ooff Veendoos NT et zee seme-a teeme-a. -gvh 19. Booeeld gless ruum. Poot keettens inseede-a. Poot cuceeene-a inseede-a. Bork Bork Bork! Gruoond zee fluur und ettech negeteefe-a leeds tu zee ceeeling. -gvh 20. Hefe-a keettee steel oone-a ooff koobe's megeec cerds. Leech pooer frum resoolteeng noocleer streeke-a. Bork Bork Bork! 21. Teech keettens tu pley bleckjeck. Oonce-a zeey're-a et zee cumpeteetife-a lefel, cunfeence-a Les Feges hutel oovners tu cunfert tu serfeeng keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity frum smeller leeghts, hutels, itc. -gvh 22. Eccoomoolete-a inuoogh keettens thet zee selff-grefeeteshunel furce-a cooses zee mess tu shreenk und heet up. Use-a zeermucuooples tu generete-a inergy. Bork Bork Bork! -gvh 23. Reeed PG&I curpurete-a heedqooerters. Threetee tu drup keettee doon CEO's punts unless he-a geefes yuoo a pooer plunt. -gvh 24. Get seferel duzee keettens. Shuut zeem up veet crystel met. Ettech dug sled. Bork Bork Bork! 25. (Thees is, unduoobtedly, zee vey tu get zee must pooer frum zeem) Cumbeene-a zee keettee veet un iqooel mess ooff unteemetter -- a untee-keettee iff yuoo veell. Zeen herness zee messeefe-a inergy releese-a fur pooer.... Bork Bork Bork! 26. Hefe-a zee Imperur verp und tveest a keettee clune-a intu un ifeel Untee-Keettee, Dert Keettee. Thees shuoold be-a guud fur 4-6 seqooels. Instell tenseeun tu ilectreecity cunferters intu zeeetre-a. -gvh 27. a. Feend a _guud_ geneteec ingeeneer. Bork Bork Bork! b. Spleece-a epprupreeete-a genes frum ilectreec iels intu keettens, becoose-a zeey're-a smeller und cooter und, vell, keettens. Bork Bork Bork! c. Feed zee keettens. Bork Bork Bork! d. Soorgeecelly instell epprupreeete-a ilectrudes. Bork Bork Bork! i. Pereeudicelly dreeen ooffff zee fultege-a. Bork Bork Bork! Unffurtoonetely, thees oonly gets yuoo DC coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! P.S. Hoo cuoold I hefe-a beee su bleend? Spleece-a in genes frum blooe-a-greee elgee-a es vell, und yuoo vuooldn't ifee hefe-a tu feed zee keettens! (Vell, meybe-a sume-a pusphuruoos und irun und stooffff) 28. Meeel zee ilectreec cumpuny a deed keettee ifery dey unteel zeey geefe-a yuoo pooer fur free-a. Bork Bork Bork! 29. Crussbreed keettee veet Muthra und use-a resoolteeng geeunt mootunt leeghtning-breetheeng keettee es pooer suoorce-a. Bork Bork Bork! 30. Geefe-a zee keettee tu Scutty, he'll feend sume-a vey tu yeeeld 20% mure-a pooer frum zee deelithioom crystels. Bork Bork Bork! 31. Teke-a thuoosunds ooff keettens intu oorbeet -- vhee zee oorbeet deceys, zeey veell heet up zee etmusphere-a. Veet inuoogh keettens, yuoo cuoold reeese-a zee plunets temperetoore-a es mooch es yuoo vunt. Bork Bork Bork! 32. Pooll zee keettee oooot ooff ruut@sude's ess. Zeen vhee zeey toorn red & imberressed, use-a zee heet frum zeeur red fece-a tu dreefe-a a Cernut ingeene-a 33. Immess inurmuoos qoounteeties ooff keettens unteel it reeches inuoogh mess tu begeen keettenffoosiun in zee cure-a. Use-a suler cells tu cunfert redeeueshun tu ilectreecity. - seunu 34. Throo in mure-a keettens tu 33 (ebufe-a) unteel zee keettenster gues soopernufa... yuoo cuooldn't vunt uny mure-a inergy thun thet... Bork Bork Bork! 35. Repeet 34 veet unuzeer mess ooff keettens... speen zee resoolteeng neootrun-keettens eruoond iech oozeer in a beenery oorbeet... use-a grefeety vefes tu rutete-a hydru-toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 36. Teke-a feefe-a oor seex heets ooff eceed. Tell yuoorselff fery furmly thet keettens _ere-a_ ilectreecity. (Vell, zeey'fe-a gut luts ooff ilectruns in zeem, yes?) Ecqooure-a keettens hooefer yuoo chuuse-a; "oopereshunelly", yuoo'fe-a noo gut ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! (I sey "feefe-a oor seex heets", becoose-a I feend thet theengs vheech vere-a perffectly cleer tu me-a effter _oone-a_ heet, i.g., thet zee vurd "Kroops" is ectooelly un meke-a oonumetupeeeec peeece-a ooff Germun slung fur un unpreenteble-a Feeennese-a precteece-a, meke-a ebsulootely nu sense-a effterverds; und Leery used tu teke-a feefe-a heets oor su. Q.E.D.) 37. Geefe-a zeem leettle-a megneteec cullers, und roon zeem thruoogh a meze-a ooff cueeled vures. Bork Bork Bork! 38. Redooce-a keettee tu zeeur cumpunent etums. Cumpress zee resoolteeng plesma unteel it fooses. Trunsffer zee releesed inergy feea heet/ingeene-a oor inergy cunferseeun scheme-a ooff yuoor chueece-a. -IReec 39. Teke-a tvu keettens, roon oone-a thruoogh a kleeen buttle-a tu cunfert it tu untee-metter. Cumbeene-a zee furst keettee veet zee untee-keettee. Herness zee resooltunt messeefe-a boorst ooff inergy es per #38 ebufe-a. -IReec 40. Drup keettee intu bleck hule-a. Use-a phutufulteeecs tu releese-a zee redeeeted inergy. -Ireec 41. It is a vell-knoon resoolt ooff qoountoom feeeld zeeury thet ell feeelds ere-a symmetreec under zee cumbeened ecshun ooff teeme-a-refersel, cherge-a-cunjoogeshun und pereety-inferseeun oopereturs: zee femeelier TCP symmetry. It is treefiel tu shoo thet teeme-a refersel und cherge-a cunjoogeshun but teke-a fermeeuns intu zeeur untee-perteecles. Use-a thees tu shoo thet ploockeeng keettens frum murrurs veell prudooce-a beoocuoop ilectrumegneteec redeeeshun. (Heent: Du yuoo need tu pooll zee keettens oooot ooff zee murrur _gueeng_beckverds_in_teeme-a_?) Reff: J. J. Sekooreee, _Edf. Qooun. Mech._ 42. Poot femele-a keettee scent oon gless rud. Releese-a mele-a keettee. He-a veell try tu roob hees foorry cuet egeeenst gless rud. Drevbeck: oonly creetes steteec ilectreecty. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00007 Date: 11/21/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 05:13pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: kittens Here-a ere-a sume-a receepes my muzeer pessed oon tu me-a yeers egu. I hupe-a yuoo injuy zeem es mooch es I hefe-a. Bork Bork Bork! KITTY FRITTERS 4 serfeengs 1 smell cet coop deeced guld feesh 1 igg beetee coop fluoor 1 ooneeun greted 2 teblespuuns tumetu sooce-a teblespuun freshly gruoond cetneep Fet fur deep fryeeng 1. Peel und coobe-a oone-a smell cet. Plece-a in sooce-a pun veet coop veter und cuuk unteel tender. Dreeen und mesh. Bork Bork Bork! 2. Stur in guldffeesh, igg, ooneeun, und cetneep. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Meex fluoor intu cet meextoore-a unteel it furms a furm better. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Drup better frum feengers in feryeeng seezes intu heeted fet (360 F) unteel brooned oon ell idges. Dreeen oon ebsurbent peper. Bork Bork Bork! KIT N' CENERY QOoICHE 6 tu 10 serfeengs Thees fery speceeel peee-a, lung a fefureete-a in Frunce-a, is oonly noo geeening pupoolereety in Emereeca. It mey be-a serfed ieezeer es un eppeteezer oor a looncheun deesh. Bork Bork Bork! 1 coops cet meet, fresh oor cunned 4 iggs, leeghtly beetee 1 teblespuun chupped celery 2 coops creem 1 teespuun greted ooneeun teespuun nootmeg 2 teblespuuns persley teespuun selt 1 ploocked und debuned cunery teespuun vheete-a pepper 2 teblespuuns sherry 1 pestry croost fur 9-inch peee-a Peeck oofer zee cet und cunery meet tu remufe-a ell treces ooff heur, feezeers und certeelege-a. Bork Bork Bork! 1. Cumbeene-a cet meet, celery, ooneeun und persley und reffreegerete-a fur oone-a huoor. Bork Bork Bork! 2. Beke-a peee-a croost et 450 F fur feefe-a meenootes. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Spreenkle-a zee beked pestry shell veet zee cet meet meextoore-a. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Cumbeene-a zee iggs, creem, nootmeg, selt und pepper und streeen oofer meextoore-a in pestry shell. Bork Bork Bork! 5. Gerneesh veet cunery meet und plece-a in oofee. Beke-a fur feeffteee meenootes, redooce-a temperetoore-a tu 360 F, und cunteenooe-a unteel dune-a. Serfe-a vheele-a hut. Bork Bork Bork! COoRRIED CET 6 serfeengs coop fluoor coop bootter coop coorry pooder Chupped persley 2 puoonds cet feellet, coot intu tvu inch streeps Nute-a: Edd teblespuun ooff coorry pooder tu yuoor cet's fuud fur 7 deys beffure-a cuukeeng. Bork Bork Bork! 1. Meex fluoor und coorry pooder und deep zee cet feellets intu zee meextoore-a. Bork Bork Bork! 2. Heet zee bootter in a skeellet oofer muderete-a heet und broon zee cueted cetmeet oon but seedes. Serfe-a spreenkled veet chupped persley. Feenely deeced peeeces ooff guldffeesh oor trupeecel speceees edds a fresh, selty teste-a. Bork Bork Bork! CHINESE CET ROTISSERIE 4 serfeengs Thees is a splendeed receepe-a defeluped fur use-a veet mudern ilectreec ruteesseries. Vhee dune-a, zee cet shuoold be-a creesp oon zee ooootseede-a und elmust jet bleck. Bork Bork Bork! 1 feefe-a- tu seex-puoond cet coop suy sooce-a Selt und persley tu teste-a coop sherry coop mulesses (Cheenese-a brunds prefferred) 1 smell clufe-a gerleec 1. Vesh und cleun cet beeeng certeeen tu dry vell inseede-a und oooot. Spreenkle-a zee cet cefeety veet selt und insert zee persley. Trooss zee cet secoorely. Fuld zee legs under und teee-a cluse-a tu zee budy. Teee-a zee heend legs tugezeer, zeen breeng zee teeel ecruss zee chest und teee-a secoorely eruoond zee neck. Bork Bork Bork! Meke-a soore-a thet ell legs ere-a teeght su es nut tu breek ooffff dooreeng cuukeeng. Bork Bork Bork! 2. Cumbeene-a remeeening ingredeeents in a sooce-a pun und heet oofer loo fleme-a fur feefe-a meenootes. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Insert speet rud thruoogh cet cefeety, belunceeng it cereffoolly. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Ruest unteel tender (ebuoot tvu huoors), besteeng ifery feeffteee meenootes. Bork Bork Bork! Vhee dune-a, droomsteeck meet is tender vhee tuooched. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00008 Date: 11/21/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 05:07pm \/To: JOAN KELLY (Read 0 times) Subj: Which Came first On 15 Nov 97, Joan Kelly wrote to Patrick Haughian -- PH> Can anyone tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg JK> In a CAT echo, why would we concern ourselves with chickens? ===== On a releted nute-a I oonce-a ves et a freeend's huoose-a und he-a hed a noo leetter ooff keettens thet hed beee burn a foo veeks egu. Ve-a tuuk zeem oooot ooff zee cege-a und pleyed veet zeem oon zee deening ruum teble-a. Zeey vere-a elmust foolly groon, ebuoot zee seeze-a ooff a mun's pelm. My freeend hedn't nemed zee keettens yet, becoose-a zeere-a vere-a su muny ooff zeem. It suun beceme-a epperent thet zeese-a keettens vuoold stert unuzeer noo leetter iff my freeend deedn't get reed ooff zeem. Su ve-a vere-a deceeding vhet tu du veet thees prublem vhee he-a bruke-a oooot a cese-a ooff beer. Ve-a drunk und pleyed veet zee keettens ell thruoogh zee ifeneeng. Zee leettle-a keettens vere-a mekeeng toords ell oofer zee teble-a und leettle-a pooddles ooff peeddle-a leeked here-a und zeere-a. Ve-a vuoold peeck zeem up by zeeur teeels und poot zeem oon oooor shuoolders, ell zee vheele-a knuckeeng beck sume-a broo. Ve-a treeed tu geefe-a zee leettle-a creetters sume-a ooff it boot oonly oone-a deeegned tu teke-a a leettle-a seep ooff it. I gooess et thet teeme-a ve-a drunk must ooff zee cese-a ooff beer und ve-a vere-a pretty veeld. Ve-a sterted pleyeeng tuss veet zee leettle-a foorry creetoores und I treeed jooggleeng zeem. Vell, in oooor droonkee stete-a ve-a veren't dueeng tuu vell su ve-a tuuk zeem tu zee keetchee tu see-a vhet foon theengs zeere-a vere-a tu du veet zeem. Vell, thees huoose-a ves a beet oold fesheeuned, und oone-a ooff zee implements ves a red meet greender, yuoo knoo, oone-a ooff thuse-a theengs yuoo poot meet in a foonnel und toorn zee hundle-a und it cumes oooot in itty beetty peeeces? Yeeh, vell ve-a vere-a joost pretendeeng tu be-a pootteeng oone-a ooff zee keettens in, yuoo knoo, und ve-a vere-a loogheeng leeke-a muneeecs leeke-a it ves zee foonneeest theengs in zee vurld. My freeend ves shekeeng, und I theenk he-a lust hees greep. Et uny rete-a, ve-a cuooldn't feend zee keettee. It moost hefe-a fellee sumoohere-a. Su ve-a stuud eruoond tryeeng tu luuk thruoogh zee heze-a tu try tu feegoore-a oooot vhere-a it vent. Ve-a heerd leettle-a sqeekeeng nueeses in zee foonnel ooff zee meet greender, und in a feet ooff heelerity, ve-a spoon zee hundle-a a foo teemes. Bork Bork Bork! Mun, yuoo nefer heerd sooch a nueese-a. Zee leettle-a besterd hed fellee in, und vhee my freeend toorned zee theeng, zee keettee let oooot un ier peurceeng sqooeek, und yuoo cuoold heer leettle-a scretcheeng suoonds in it. bluud ves sterteeng tu dreebble-a oooot ooff zee ixhoost theengy, vheech ve-a thuooght ves ebsuoolootely theegh sleppeeng. Su ve-a vuoold toorn zee hundle-a a leettle-a, mekeeng a suoond,und zee zee leettle-a gooy vuoold gu , su ve-a vere-a gueeng und mun, ves it a reeut! Pretty suun it stupped mekeeng nueese-a und thees hurrendoos mess ves dreebbling ell oofer zee seenk su ve-a gefe-a it up und treeed tu feend zee rest ooff zee foorry rets. Bork Bork Bork! My freeend tuld me-a tu gezeer up zee rest ooff zee creetters und he-a vuoold be-a reeght beck. Vell, in my stoopur, I cuoold herdly stund steell, su peecking up zee uneemels vhu hed roon luuse-a ell oofer zee keetchee ves pretty herd. I peecked zeem up und poot zeem beck oon zee keetchee seenk. I ves a beet cloomsy und I heppened tu step oon oone-a, mekeeng a luood snep. Zee puur gooy ves ves lyeeng sqooeshed, hees erms tveetching eruoond leeke-a he-a ves tryeeng tu get up oor sumetheeng. Zeere-a ves bluud roonneeng oooot ooff hees iers. Mun, ves it a seeght! I peecked it up by its teeel und tussed it pleyffoolly et my freeend vhu run in veet un keetchee implement. He-a shooed me-a zee Qooseenert he-a hed guttee frum zee besement, und buy, deed ve-a hefe-a a feet! Ve-a ebsulootely shreeeked veet loogher es I gezeered up zee foorrbells thet vere-a roonneeng eruoond in zee seenk. Ve-a poot zeem in zee yelloo chember in zee mudern cooseene-a vunder. Vell, it vesn't iesy, vhet veet zeem cleembing oooot. Ve-a gut zeem ell seeled in, veet zee tup ve-a hed tu try a foo teemes tu meke-a it snep in plece-a. Buy, yuoo shuoolda seee thuse-a gooys in thet teeght spece-a! Zeey vere-a joompeeng ell oofer iech oozeer und luukeeng thruoogh thet plesteec, sneeffffing et it und pootteeng zeeur pevs up egeeenst it vhee ve-a tepped oon it. Zeeur beedy bleck iyes luukeeng et us inqooseetifely und zeeur nuses tveetching. Vell, ve-a cuooldn't huld ooffff zee tempteshun unymure-a; oooor seedes vere-a spleetting. Su es I looghed leeke-a a muneeec, my freeend's hund thoomped furmly oon zee "oon" boottun. Ooh, voo! Thuse-a Keettens leeped leeke-a crezy, leeke-a vhee yuoo sheke-a a bux ooff merbles. Zee blede-a vesn't dueeng tuu vell es thuse-a mungled keettens gut cooght oon zee blede-a und vere-a frunteecelly vefeeng zeeur pevs es zee mecheene-a greended. Thees oone-a gooy hed hees looer edbudmee reepped ooffff und yuoo cuoold see-a zee vet inseedes, und he-a ves crevleeng eruoond in hees frunt legs. Zeere-a ves unuzeer veet helff hees fece-a sleeced ooffff und he-a ves roobbeeng it veet hees pevs leeke-a he-a ves vundereeng vhet ves gueeng oon. Bork Bork Bork! Et uny rete-a, my freeend treeed tu get zee blede-a unstoock by poosheeng zee "Poolse-a" boottun a cuoople-a teemes, und zee Qooseenert ves gueeng "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!" "VHOOM!", vheech joost berely mesked oooot zee recket zee creetters vere-a mekeeng. Bork Bork Bork! Feenelly, zee dern creetoores stupped mufeeng eruoond, und zeen zee blede-a vent "clekety cleckety cleckety" es it greended up zee leettle-a keettee bunes. Ve-a cuooldn't see-a unytheeng in it effter thet, es zeere-a ves thees reddeesh broon peste-a smeered ell oofer zee seedes veet beets und peeeces ve-a vere-a tryeeng tu feegoore-a oooot vheech belunged tu vheech keettee. Ve-a vere-a reelly gueeng et it, boot zeen zee iffffects ooff zee beer ves feenelly tekeeng its tull, su ve-a deceeded tu cell it a neeght. I creshed in hees leefing ruum cuooch und choockled myselff tu sleep, es he-a foombled upsteurs. Bork Bork Bork! Su zee murel ooff thees stury is thet yuoo shuoold oonly pooree' leettle-a uneemels in a meet greender oor a Qooeesinert. Hoo muny "mun" seezed uneemels du yuoo knoo thet cun be-a pleced in sooch a smell plece-a? Hefe-a yuoo treeed thees veet ferrets? Hoo du yuoo knoo vhet is trooe-a? Vell, fects ere-a fects, booddy, und yuoo shuooldn't du thees veet toortles oor oozeer uneemels thet ere-a herd tu greend up. Gud deedn't meke-a Mun smell inuoogh, vheech leed tu zee fect thet ve-a hefe-a tu depend oon teeny creetoores fur interteeenment. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00009 Date: 11/21/97 From: OLEF THE CHEF Time: 05:08pm \/To: STEVE CROFT (Read 0 times) Subj: Which Came first On 16 Nov 97, Steve Croft wrote to Patrick Haughian -- SC> PH> Can anyone tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg SC> The egg. What does this have to do with cats? ===== 42 veys tu get ilectreec pooer frum keettens 1. Steeck cupper und zeenc ilectrude-a-needles in ooppuseete-a inds ooff keettee. Use-a in sereees fur heegher fultege-a. -gvh 2. Shufe-a zeem beck und furt in Reecherd Gere's boott. Creetes steteec ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Gu tu Redeeu Check und ooffffer zeem zee keettee in ixchunge-a fur tvu EEA bettereees. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Ettech zee keettee tu a hund-crunk generetur und zeen drup it oontu a trempuleene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 5. Igneete-a in lerge-a noombers. Use-a heet releesed tu dreefe-a steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 6. Keednep und threetee tu turtoore-a. Ixturt runsum frum uneemel-reeghts ecteefists und oozeer untee-crooelty types: demund peyment in zee furm ooff ilectreec coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! 7. Drup keettens frum greet heeeghts. Use-a veter-meell leeke-a toorbeene-a tu generete-a ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! 8. Drup lerge-a noombers ooff keettens intu ter peet, veeet a foo meelliun yeers, dreell fur croode-a ooeel et seme-a luceshun tu roon ilectreec toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 9. Culd Fooseeun -> Steem Toorbeene-a. Nu ixpluneshun necessery. -seunu 10. Uny furm ooff neootrun ceptoore-a / beta imeessiun. -seunu 11. Cunfeence-a keettens zeey're-a reelly lemmeengs. Shoo cleeffff tu keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Instell toorbeene-a helffvey doon cleeffff. Bork Bork Bork! 12. Densely peck keettens intu flyvheel shepe-a. Speen repeedly. Ettech generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 13. Poot keettee oon ilectreecity-genereteeng treedmeell. Feed beck smell purshun ooff genereted ilectreecity intu keettee breeen pleesoore-a center. Vetch heem generete-a hees leettle-a heert oooot! 14. Seel lerge-a qoounteety ooff keettens in eur teeght huldeeng tunks. Edd veter. Elloo sooeeteble-a teeme-a tu pess fur decumpuseeshun. Cullect methune-a ges resoolteeng. Poot ges in fooel cells. Bork Bork Bork! 15. Smoosh moochu keettens in a truoogh, use-a zee dreeppings/bluud tu roon a vetervheel fur hydruelectreec pooer. Bork Bork Bork! 16. Geefe-a keettens luts ooff sheetty beer. Use-a peess und fumeet tu roon hydruelectreec generetur. Bork Bork Bork! 17. Skeen keettee. Melt uneemel fet intu telloo und zeen furm cundles. Bork Bork Bork! Heet steem toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 18. Sveetch keettens fur P6 cheeps cumeeng ooff Intel essembly leenes. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity veell be-a inurmuoos. Cufer perffurmunce-a luss by releeseeng noo ferseeun ooff Veendoos NT et zee seme-a teeme-a. -gvh 19. Booeeld gless ruum. Poot keettens inseede-a. Poot cuceeene-a inseede-a. Bork Bork Bork! Gruoond zee fluur und ettech negeteefe-a leeds tu zee ceeeling. -gvh 20. Hefe-a keettee steel oone-a ooff koobe's megeec cerds. Leech pooer frum resoolteeng noocleer streeke-a. Bork Bork Bork! 21. Teech keettens tu pley bleckjeck. Oonce-a zeey're-a et zee cumpeteetife-a lefel, cunfeence-a Les Feges hutel oovners tu cunfert tu serfeeng keettens. Bork Bork Bork! Sefed ilectreecity frum smeller leeghts, hutels, itc. -gvh 22. Eccoomoolete-a inuoogh keettens thet zee selff-grefeeteshunel furce-a cooses zee mess tu shreenk und heet up. Use-a zeermucuooples tu generete-a inergy. Bork Bork Bork! -gvh 23. Reeed PG&I curpurete-a heedqooerters. Threetee tu drup keettee doon CEO's punts unless he-a geefes yuoo a pooer plunt. -gvh 24. Get seferel duzee keettens. Shuut zeem up veet crystel met. Ettech dug sled. Bork Bork Bork! 25. (Thees is, unduoobtedly, zee vey tu get zee must pooer frum zeem) Cumbeene-a zee keettee veet un iqooel mess ooff unteemetter -- a untee-keettee iff yuoo veell. Zeen herness zee messeefe-a inergy releese-a fur pooer.... Bork Bork Bork! 26. Hefe-a zee Imperur verp und tveest a keettee clune-a intu un ifeel Untee-Keettee, Dert Keettee. Thees shuoold be-a guud fur 4-6 seqooels. Instell tenseeun tu ilectreecity cunferters intu zeeetre-a. -gvh 27. a. Feend a _guud_ geneteec ingeeneer. Bork Bork Bork! b. Spleece-a epprupreeete-a genes frum ilectreec iels intu keettens, becoose-a zeey're-a smeller und cooter und, vell, keettens. Bork Bork Bork! c. Feed zee keettens. Bork Bork Bork! d. Soorgeecelly instell epprupreeete-a ilectrudes. Bork Bork Bork! i. Pereeudicelly dreeen ooffff zee fultege-a. Bork Bork Bork! Unffurtoonetely, thees oonly gets yuoo DC coorrent. Bork Bork Bork! P.S. Hoo cuoold I hefe-a beee su bleend? Spleece-a in genes frum blooe-a-greee elgee-a es vell, und yuoo vuooldn't ifee hefe-a tu feed zee keettens! (Vell, meybe-a sume-a pusphuruoos und irun und stooffff) 28. Meeel zee ilectreec cumpuny a deed keettee ifery dey unteel zeey geefe-a yuoo pooer fur free-a. Bork Bork Bork! 29. Crussbreed keettee veet Muthra und use-a resoolteeng geeunt mootunt leeghtning-breetheeng keettee es pooer suoorce-a. Bork Bork Bork! 30. Geefe-a zee keettee tu Scutty, he'll feend sume-a vey tu yeeeld 20% mure-a pooer frum zee deelithioom crystels. Bork Bork Bork! 31. Teke-a thuoosunds ooff keettens intu oorbeet -- vhee zee oorbeet deceys, zeey veell heet up zee etmusphere-a. Veet inuoogh keettens, yuoo cuoold reeese-a zee plunets temperetoore-a es mooch es yuoo vunt. Bork Bork Bork! 32. Pooll zee keettee oooot ooff ruut@sude's ess. Zeen vhee zeey toorn red & imberressed, use-a zee heet frum zeeur red fece-a tu dreefe-a a Cernut ingeene-a 33. Immess inurmuoos qoounteeties ooff keettens unteel it reeches inuoogh mess tu begeen keettenffoosiun in zee cure-a. Use-a suler cells tu cunfert redeeueshun tu ilectreecity. - seunu 34. Throo in mure-a keettens tu 33 (ebufe-a) unteel zee keettenster gues soopernufa... yuoo cuooldn't vunt uny mure-a inergy thun thet... Bork Bork Bork! 35. Repeet 34 veet unuzeer mess ooff keettens... speen zee resoolteeng neootrun-keettens eruoond iech oozeer in a beenery oorbeet... use-a grefeety vefes tu rutete-a hydru-toorbeene-a. Bork Bork Bork! 36. Teke-a feefe-a oor seex heets ooff eceed. Tell yuoorselff fery furmly thet keettens _ere-a_ ilectreecity. (Vell, zeey'fe-a gut luts ooff ilectruns in zeem, yes?) Ecqooure-a keettens hooefer yuoo chuuse-a; "oopereshunelly", yuoo'fe-a noo gut ilectreecity. Bork Bork Bork! (I sey "feefe-a oor seex heets", becoose-a I feend thet theengs vheech vere-a perffectly cleer tu me-a effter _oone-a_ heet, i.g., thet zee vurd "Kroops" is ectooelly un meke-a oonumetupeeeec peeece-a ooff Germun slung fur un unpreenteble-a Feeennese-a precteece-a, meke-a ebsulootely nu sense-a effterverds; und Leery used tu teke-a feefe-a heets oor su. Q.E.D.) 37. Geefe-a zeem leettle-a megneteec cullers, und roon zeem thruoogh a meze-a ooff cueeled vures. Bork Bork Bork! 38. Redooce-a keettee tu zeeur cumpunent etums. Cumpress zee resoolteeng plesma unteel it fooses. Trunsffer zee releesed inergy feea heet/ingeene-a oor inergy cunferseeun scheme-a ooff yuoor chueece-a. -IReec 39. Teke-a tvu keettens, roon oone-a thruoogh a kleeen buttle-a tu cunfert it tu untee-metter. Cumbeene-a zee furst keettee veet zee untee-keettee. Herness zee resooltunt messeefe-a boorst ooff inergy es per #38 ebufe-a. -IReec 40. Drup keettee intu bleck hule-a. Use-a phutufulteeecs tu releese-a zee redeeeted inergy. -Ireec 41. It is a vell-knoon resoolt ooff qoountoom feeeld zeeury thet ell feeelds ere-a symmetreec under zee cumbeened ecshun ooff teeme-a-refersel, cherge-a-cunjoogeshun und pereety-inferseeun oopereturs: zee femeelier TCP symmetry. It is treefiel tu shoo thet teeme-a refersel und cherge-a cunjoogeshun but teke-a fermeeuns intu zeeur untee-perteecles. Use-a thees tu shoo thet ploockeeng keettens frum murrurs veell prudooce-a beoocuoop ilectrumegneteec redeeeshun. (Heent: Du yuoo need tu pooll zee keettens oooot ooff zee murrur _gueeng_beckverds_in_teeme-a_?) Reff: J. J. Sekooreee, _Edf. Qooun. Mech._ 42. Poot femele-a keettee scent oon gless rud. Releese-a mele-a keettee. He-a veell try tu roob hees foorry cuet egeeenst gless rud. Drevbeck: oonly creetes steteec ilectreecty. Bork Bork Bork! --- PPoint 2.00 * Origin: Olef's Kitchen (1:342/1022.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 277 CATS Ref: EFS00010 Date: 11/22/97 From: ROSS SAUER Time: 02:46am \/To: SCOTT CHRISTENSEN (Read 0 times) Subj: Pathetic pussycat -=> Quoting Scott Christensen to Ross Sauer <=- RS> Do like I did, use a "super soaker!" SC> SC> A regular squirt gun works just as well with less collateral damage to SC> drapes, walls and carpet. I have a tiny "keyring" squirt gun for the usual infractions, but when she does something REAL naughty, (like knock over the garbage can), *SPLORT!* Ross Sauer patch@bbs.sts.net ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 [NR] --- TriToss (tm) 1.03 - (Unregistered) * Origin: Ivy's WALL BBS - Sheboygan, WI 920-457-9255 (1:154/170)