--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBC00025 Date: 07/05/97 From: JOAN RENNE Time: 05:11pm \/To: GAZOO (Read 0 times) Subj: Fighting the Good fight . GA>I can't help but wonder if I'm going to be able to hold off for another day. DO IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME. (no, I'm not yelling at you, it's just for emphasis) Then start over counting 5 minutes, and repeat it 5 minutes later. Do that long enough and you've got a whole day and you can start again when you wake up. A whole bunch of sober people call that "white knuckling". It does get better with each passing 5 minutes. GA>Every morning it's been the same thing. As soon as I open my eyes the GA>thought comes to mind... Am I going to make it today??? Or am I going GA>to *F* Things GA>once more??? Not the best way to start your day off. I felt that way too. I'd place a small wager on the number of alcoholics who felt the same way when they were new to sobriety. I found a way to get past that little old feeling that I let reside in my heat rent free. Instead of the usual: "Good God, it's morning" I replaced it with "Good Morning God." I went on to ask Him/Her/It to help keep me sober for the 24 hours in front of me. Another little tidbit: If I get nasty and angry and resentful, my sponser Dorothy (RIP) told me it was NEVER too late in the day to lean back, close my eyes, yawn and stretch and say: "Good Morning God." Know where I learned those handy tips? In AA Meetings. GA>I hate myself when I drink... And now I hate to drink... Guess I'll have o GA>learn some coping skills if I'm going to make it throught this in one piece. I hated me too. Not when I was doing the actual drinking, but with the consequences of my drinking. Like not being able to see my sister and Mother because they wanted no part of me; moving around the country trying to make new friends (unfortunately my moves all wound up in bars where I bought new rounds to make new friends); deprived of my credit cards, because I didn't have any money to pay the minimum on 6 credit cards I had, and my only child wanting absolutely no part of me. Today, my daughter and grandchildren beg me to come where they live, I have NEW friends that are always there for me, as I am here for them. My sister and I get along pretty good, and my Mother lived to see me sober.Life is pretty darn good these days. I have some health problems, but those are problems I turn over to my HP and my doctors. But I do own my own home, my credit is good, I have a 10 year old car I'm too lazy to trade, and it's got VERY Low milage. AND I only have 1 credit card!!!! A miracle happened, as you can tell from the two messages I've written. If you don't want to go to meetings alone, call your Local AA office and tell them you want to get sober. More than likely one of two men will come to your home and talk to you and will take you to meetings to begin with...that's called a "12 Step" and if you don't want to say anything in a meeting that's okay. Just listen to the comments and stories they tell... I'll wager again in saying they will remind you of yourself. Joan * SLMR 2.1a * ... The 1st step to wisdom is silence. 2nd is listening. --- WM v3.01/93-0495 * Origin: Friend's BBS Omaha Ne (402)896-2669 (1:285/662.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBC00026 Date: 07/06/97 From: MARIE WEIDEMANN Time: 12:11am \/To: MICHAEL KASZETA (Read 0 times) Subj: Re: Welcome Michael Kaszeta - The wind whispered your name to me... MK> Sorry it took so long to write back. I have a hectic full life. Funny MK> it wasn't always that way. I remember one of the scariest parts of MK> entering recovery was what to do with my time! Now 2 and a half years MK> later I wish I could have bottled that time. No problem..this time of the year is filled with things to do.. MK> One thing that fills my schedule is a recovery activity we have in the MK> northern Delaware area. It's a hiking club called Footprints. Catchy MK> name huh? We hike in Pennsylvannia, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, and MK> this july 4th we will be in W. Virginia at Harpers Ferry. I got MK> involved with this group very early in my recovery and it was a present MK> from my HP. Within six months of recovery i had three heart attacks and MK> open heart surgery (triple bypass). Thanks to the health that I had MK> regained from the exercise and the support of my Fellows I was back to MK> work in a month. Only missed one hike that year! And that was because I MK> was in intensive care and couldn't get the Doctors approval I like the name..Footprints...reminds me of a poem....It seems that this group has helped you quite a bit..that is great..exercise is one of the things that can prevent a heart attack as well as help get a person back on their feet....And gee...I wonder why the doctor wouldn't approve your going on a hike at that point in your life?... I am reminded of the saying..One door never closes than another opens.. Sure seems to be the case here.. MK> Sitting hear and remembering then, I can see how far I've come. MK> Besides keeping it green, I find I need to see that it's working MK> sometimes so that I can keep going. I know the journey never ends but I MK> have so far to go it gets discouraging sometimes. Right now I still MK> have a lot of cleaning to do from my past and I wonder when it will let MK> up. I keep reminding myself that HP wouldn't put it on my plate if I MK> couldn't or shouldn't eat it! Like the lesson I got from my heart MK> attacks says; An EKG is flat line when your dead, up and down shows MK> life! Thank HP for that life. I was reading another message on here MK> that spoke of that relationship with GOD and how important it is to MK> recovery. I mildly disagree, It's ESSENTIAL to recovery! I remember that the 9 step says in part "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible".... Now if it is not possible because it won't be accepted or it would hurt someone else..you just turn it over to your HP and let him take care of it..He knows that you have admitted it to your self and Him... MK> I stayed clean for 12 years in Mikes program and went back out. Only MK> since I followed the direction given me by my HP and started his MK> program am I getting clean and sober! MK> Bless you for another outlet to 12th step! I can not take credit for this echo..I just took it over a few months ago...it was around for a long time before that... Light, Love and Laughter Marie - Starwitch ... An old pond-/The sound of water/When a frog jumps in. ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12 --- GEcho 1.00 * Origin: Phoenix Rising*Wilkes-Barre PA*Starwitch (717)822-2017 (1:268/442) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBC00027 Date: 07/06/97 From: MARIE WEIDEMANN Time: 12:11am \/To: GAZOO (Read 0 times) Subj: Re: Fighting the Good fig Gazoo - The wind whispered your name to me... Ga> Strange how the most simple of things can make you fill good. Ga> I'm talking about things we all take for granted in are busy lifes Ga> until we stop and questions areselfs. Erlyer today I was having one of Ga> those little moments in the sun. You know, the one that says to yea; Ga> It's a beautiful day, why don't you have one??? One being a never Ga> ending cold class of Beer. Well the point is... I watered my sisters Ga> lawn and walked away felling refresh and victories... Strange little Ga> thing this life! All made up to look so overbearing. That is until you Ga> stop and look at the simple things that make it possible. One should always take time to appreciate the fact of life..and the things that make up our life...One thing though...how many times did you enjoy these simple things when you were drunk?..Did you even notice them?. Ga> By no means do I have it solved. In fact, I'm troublingly sure to Ga> fall. Seeing that it's just one of those little things that make life Ga> so interresting. And interresting it is, Isn't it??? Ga> I'll be looking for your words of incouragement. Don't hold backon me. Ga> I'll need all the help I can get... And I know that having this Echo Ga> on my Board can solved those dark and cunfusing times ahead. so again. Ga> Don't hold out on me folks... I'm looking for your support on this one. Ga> You can make a deffrence in someones life... Even by the little things Ga> you do! :-) heheeh... We'll be here if you need us..Since we can't know when you are feeling down, you have to be the one to reach out to us..We will give you all the support you need..but you have to be the one to log on the BBS and find this echo...All I can say to you now is take things one day at a time..enjoy all you can...things are much easier to enjoy when you can see them and understand what you are looking at... Ga> God Bless ! And May God's Love Be With You All ! Thanks...remember your HP is walking with you too.... Light, Love and Laughter Marie - Starwitch ... Every nursling as it is nursed; every web as it is woven. ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12 --- GEcho 1.00 * Origin: Phoenix Rising*Wilkes-Barre PA*Starwitch (717)822-2017 (1:268/442) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00000 Date: 07/08/97 From: MATRIKA Time: 02:37pm \/To: GAZOO (Read 0 times) Subj: Fighting the Good fight ... Strangers are often just friends we haven't met yet. But having been betrayed by a fellow AA that I thought was my friend today, well, I can hear you about not trusting people. What finally made me come out of my shell was I knew it was that or death for me - and I was doing it for me, if they got any benefit out of it that was nice. But my primary purpose in reaching out to another drunk is always that it keeps me sober today. . I wouldn't call me a "die hard" AA - not by a long shot. I don't do as much AA anymore as I do the electronic AA here on these echoes and in other parts of cyberspace. . If I get sounding cynical today, as I say I was very hurt when I reached out to an old friend after getting some very bad news today. I found out I have another disease, which, like alcoholism can be arrested, but not cured - and I am having major trouble accepting it. (diabetes, for the record) And I am having even more of a hard time accepting how my old "friend" (?) treated me - like I had bothered her by calling her over a flipping hang nail or something. . As far as saying "never" when you say you'll never drink again, well, one of the reasons I stay close to AA in SOME way is because I know I am closer to my next drink now than I was when I first came into sobriety some ten years ago. The reason is most alcoholics have a built-in forgetter and somewhere along the way comes that point where no power on earth can keep me away from a drink. I convince myself it's different now and I can only have one. I forget that one has never EVER been enough for me - because that first one really does trigger that physical compulsion or phenomenon of craving with the mental obsession and soon, well, I'm in over my head. . I know because I actually started to dry out in 1979, but I did it my way. I didn't go to meetings anymore after a while and I had never worked the steps. Pretty soon, I was back where I had started from and scared stiff - wondering, "how did I get here? " and terrified that I couldn't stop again. When I came back from my pink cloud I did AA the AA way instead of my way, which obviously didn't work all that well. One relapse has been enough for me so far and I hope, by the grace of whatever Higher Power there is, that I never have to do that again. . You're most certainly welcome for the benefit of my sharing; however, I have to thank you too. Whether or not you do stay sober and join AA or not, you are helping me to stay sober another day by sharing with you - it helps me to remember where I came from, so I won't go back there again and hopefully you will never have to go there either. . I'm sure it is hard for you to share here - just to break the ice and let us know who you are - as well as being hard to try something like going to meetings. If you can overcome being an introvert this much, you may find it easier to open up in face to face meetings. First thing I want you to know is that you don't have to say ANYTHING at a meeting if you don't want to. If you are called upon, just say my name is (WHATEVER) and I am an alcoholic and I pass - or if you're not ready to say you're an alcoholic, just say my name is (YOUR NAME) and I pass. There are no dues or fees for AA membership and the ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (third tradition). . If you decide to try it, stick with the winners for your own sake. There are other folks who come to AA looking for the partners of the opposite sex or the same sex. Usually dating is NOT suggested for anyone with less than a year or two sober, anyways; however, there are other folks who come to AA for the wrong reasons and some who come for a mixture of reasons. Watch who stays sober and who are the ones you'd like to be like when you have a few years under your belt - those are probably the winners for you. usually they have some time in - consecutive time - sober. . I hope you do try AA because studies have shown repeatedly that AA works best for most. People who try to make it on their own, usually just don't make it for some reason. . But, whatever you do, I hope you find what works for you. --- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00001 Date: 07/08/97 From: MATRIKA Time: 02:38pm \/To: MICHAEL KASZETA (Read 0 times) Subj: Re: Hiking Thanks for the invite, but I am physically disabled in such a way that it would probably put me in the hospital to try something like that. . It does sound like fun though! --- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00002 Date: 07/08/97 From: MATRIKA Time: 02:48pm \/To: MARIE WEIDEMANN (Read 0 times) Subj: Re: Sponsorees i'M NOT DOING SO GOOD. I found out that I have another serious infection again and may very well be diabetic to boot. One more thing to accept (SIGN)! At least I know about it. What really hurt is that when I called a friend who I used to sponsor about it, she just blew me off like I'd called about a hang-nail. She's been a real B**** lately and I know it's because she's trying to quit smoking (AGAIN); however, I also suspect that repeated attempts to quit smoking are an excuse to vent her anger all over everyone. I'm also quite concerned because the last time she closed herself off to everyone again, like this, she had an almost successful suicide attempt. But there is nothing I can do - and even if I could, I don't think I would. I think I need to take care of me and my own household now. . One good thing we went to that hearing on my husband's case against his former employer for discrimination - which we believe was refusal to grant a reasonable accomodation so a disabled person could work. It went quite well - my husband presented his case very well indeed, in my opinion. I don't know if he won or not; however, I do know he did a superb job. (I'm biased, I know, but I'm also his best critic and he did really well.) Also that small claims court case against the company that trashed our exhaust system for us, he won. ./ For me, it's nice to see him standing up for himself because usually he lets folks walk all over him - then comes home and vents the stress at me. This is something new he is trying. Whether we lost or won the case presented today - the bigger one - I think it put the former employer on notice that there are LAWS in this country to protect the workers that they may not have known could be so well enforced. And, whether or not we "win" or they "win", it cost them a bundle to pay for legal representation, so that might make it easier for the next person they employ. So it's not ALL bad news - it's just more of life, on life's terms. . What a time to find out I'm diabetic - NO ICE CREAM in this heat? OY! God/ess (or whatever) grant me the serenity to do WHAT?????? (GRIN) --- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00003 Date: 07/08/97 From: MATRIKA Time: 02:50pm \/To: CHERLYN YOUENS (Read 0 times) Subj: 10 years No, it's better to pull my husband's hair out than mine - it's so much more natural for men to be bald, don't you think? . Actually, I've been going through a lot of chalenges this past year and I am surprised I didn't pull my hair out. But I made it to ten years sober, in spite of myself - by the grace of the Higher Power, whateve you choose to call the Higher Power. --- TriToss (tm) Professional 11.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00004 Date: 07/07/97 From: TIM Time: 11:58am \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: intro Im trying to make contact with others in recovery in this message base ... introducing myself ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 [NR] --- GEcho 1.20/Pro * Origin: |14Acme Cafe BBS! (602)838-0712 (1:114/508) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBD00005 Date: 07/08/97 From: GAZOO Time: 10:59am \/To: MARIE WEIDEMANN (Read 0 times) Subj: Re: Fighting the Good fig Dear Marie... The day is starting off right... No strange dreams lastnignt... No temptations yesterday... And most importent, I'm felling better and better. My body is stronger, my mind is clearer, and my soul is allot cleaner! :-) Above all that, what matters the most is that I'm drawing closer to God. Had thought it would take a miracle to turn around. May just have been the alcohol and my stupid ways that denied me so much out of life. There was times that I feard that God could not take me back cause of my rebeilies ways... I mean, his been there in the past in ways that I would never had expected... And turning away from all that and having him there today is just more then I could ever dream of. God is Good endeed! :-) Strange how we say never... Then turn and do the exact things we sweard we would never do. Umm, I always know'n God was to good for me... And I remember telling him that he would be better off finding some other poor soul to help. Seeing that he would just be wasting preciouce time on me... Ummm,... Later on as the winds and waters blow, I started looking for shelter ellswere.Only to end up at God's front door! :-) It's has been a long and dangerous journey. Thought I had lost myself meny of time out there in the very real and dark world. Mabey someday I'll have the opportunety to share my voyages with you. :-) Then again, mabey I'll be so lucky as to forget them. (WG) In any case, I'm happy in life... And I want to Thank my God and his Christ for not obandenin me out there. I also want to Thank you and your friends for doing the exact same thing. Love never gives up! Love never falls! Love always forgives! Love never seeks for it's own pleasures! God Is Love! :-) Love be with you this day Marie... GazOo --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: StarGate B.B.S. (1:163/403.2) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: EBF00000 Date: 07/10/97 From: GAZOO Time: 12:08pm \/To: MATRIKA (Read 0 times) Subj: :-) Dear Matrika I have to say that you scared the heck out of me with your last letter. I mean, the part were you discribe being sober for so long and then falling and asking yourself... " How did I get down here". Umm,... With that, You've made it clear. ( visite A.A. ) Sorry to hear about your friend... When I was 20 years old, I was diagnose with scizophrinea. Unlike most illness scizophrinea leaves you pretty much on your own. Diabetes and scizophrinea are sometimes thought to be in the same class... Meaning that people who suffer from diabetes have some kind of mental challenge, that is of course only in the most severe cases of diabetes. For most part, Diabetes is solved by givin yourself an injection ones or in some cases, two times a day. On the other hand, those who have been diagnose late in life with diabetes usually make pretty good just by waching what they eat and so on. Not so with scizophrinea... There's medication, but in most part, it makes you fell worst. Yeap, for scizophrinea there only three hopes of ever seeing the light of day... One of course if medication. Secound is God...Then theres time... And with those options, theres not much to walk away from. Unlike the problems we all have in commend here. You can't walk away from diabetes or scizophrinea... But people sure do walk away from you! And that just makes everything you suffer that much more painfull. People don't know what there doing for most part. You know that to be truth... Seeing that you've been there yourself. All and all, what matter the most to us is simple: Quality of Life! Your blessed whether you know it or not. And if your friends don't want to share in your blessings, then it's there lost. Not yours! It makes me mad to see good people turnd away when they ask for help. I hope your friend wakes up. Thanks for the note and hope to hear from you real soon... God Bless! :-) GazOo --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: StarGate B.B.S. (1:163/403.2)