--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DG300000 Date: 12/03/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 01:05am \/To: TOM ANDERSON (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: smoking Well good luck and may WHATEVER you believe in bless you! I know it's hard, but my Dad's fighting lung cancer because he didn't quit - and it looks like it MAY have metastasized (God forbid!), we're not sure yet. . When he was smoking, he would defend his right to smoke and say he wasn't hurting anyone but himself. Of course that latter part was incorrect. We now know how much harm second hand smoke DOES do to others from the medics. But how his words have changed. He now tells me - after one round of chemo, one of radiation and the possibility of more and/or removal of his lung over his head - he says it DEFINITELY was not worth it. . If you get too tempted to smoke, let me know and I'll describe some of what he's told me about the horrors of chemo in detail. (Just kidding! I know you can't scare any addict - esp. not this one.) . Anyway, I thought I'd pass that on to you and I hope it helps you to stay away from one for one day. I like a saying I heard in a group my ex used to quit - they used to say they were a puff away from a pack a day. I liked it because it always reminded me that it was the FIRST drink that gets me drunk because it triggers the physical compulsion - something it is VERY important for me to remember. . Oh, the good news is that even after smoking two-three packs of camels and pall malls - the brands that I understnad have the highest levels of tar and nicotine and other goodies - and doing so for some fifty five to sixty YEARS (at least), my Dad DID in fact lose the craving for a cigarette after about 6 months almost entirely - even to the point of having the remainder of the last carton in the house and stale as heck by now (over a year). So I guess the craving - like the desire for a drink - is also a case of this too will pass. . I wish I had my OWN experience to share with you here. I believe that is always best. However, I never smoked - at least not tobacco. And I wanted to show you some support. ALthough I never smoked, I do know what it's like to be in early recovery from other addictions and, in my opinion, it's a b****. (know what I mean?) --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DG500000 Date: 12/03/96 From: MARIE WEIDEMANN Time: 08:41pm \/To: MATRIKA (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: Hi, Everyone. I'm new Ma> re - hopefully she will get honest with herself - thanks for saying Ma> this. I used to attend a group where this was almost another slogan - Ma> you've got to get honest with yourself about your booze problem, was Ma> what many a newcomer heard constantly. It helped me so much in the Ma> beginning and I think it is something that I need to be reminded of Ma> now when I have a LOT of stress in my life - probably because I HAVE a Ma> life now and I didn't before entering this program to get sober some 9 Ma> plus years ago (BY THE GRACE OF GOD). Ma> . AA doesn't promise you bliss, just a way to handle problems without having to pick up a drink....I hope my friend really gets honest with herself and make a honest atempt to try life on lifes terms without the booze... Over 9 years sober...wonderful. You are proof that the program works. Marie ... Courage is fear that has said its prayers. ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12 --- GEcho 1.00 * Origin: Phoenix Rising BBS * Sysop Starwitch * 822-2017 (1:268/442) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DG500001 Date: 12/04/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 06:14pm \/To: MARIE WEIDEMANN (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: Hi, Everyone. I'm new I agree with you that AA only promises us sobriety. But I have found that this gives me the oppurtunity to work on all the other challenges life sens me - which right now are considerable. I really also hope your friend finds a way to get honest with herself and find a way that will keep her away from one drink, for one day, CONSECUTIVELY. (I think that's the part some people miss.) --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DG500002 Date: 12/02/96 From: MARK SAPIAN Time: 09:08pm \/To: ALL (Read 1 times) Subj: Dateline YOU CAN FIND YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE NOW!!! 1-900-484-7070 Ext. 6675 $2.99 per min. Must be 18 yrs. Touch Tone phone required. Serv-U (619) 645-8434 --- T.A.G. 2.7c Standard * Origin: PROMETHEUS -Flat Rock,Mi- (313)782-5817 (1:2410/310) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DG500003 Date: 12/04/96 From: TOM ANDERSON Time: 11:05am \/To: MATRIKA (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: smoking >When he was smoking, he would defend his right to smoke and say he >wasn't hurting anyone but himself. Of course that latter part was >incorrect. We now know how much harm second hand smoke DOES do to >others from the medics. But how his words have changed. He now tells >me - after one round of chemo, one of radiation and the possibility of >more and/or removal of his lung over his head - he says it DEFINITELY >was not worth it. >. Thanks for the support there kiddo, I've quit in the past and I know this too shall pass.... I'm not sure about the second hand smoke thing, I believe it all depends on quantity of smoke in that instance. As for the chemo, you don't need to explain that one to me either, the wife just got through with both reciently, (breast cancer) and I klnow more about that than I ever wanted to.... The desire to smoke it still there and my button still gets pushed, but I just don't have em handy so I don't smoke em....One day at a time.... I'm waiting to go see the IRS right now for an audit and a cig would taste real good right now (G) I know i'm working myself up where it's not necessary but heck, that's what makes life interesting.... (G) TTYL TomA >If you get too tempted to smoke, let me know and I'll describe some of >what he's told me about the horrors of chemo in detail. (Just kidding! >I know you can't scare any addict - esp. not this one.) --- ViaMAIL!/SL v1.00t * Origin: Lake Effect BBS 1-219-926-8188 (1:230/10) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DGB00000 Date: 12/05/96 From: RAIN Time: 08:18pm \/To: JOAN REA (Read 1 times) Subj: Poor old me -> without on-line meetings? I'm contagious - no visitors and my -> throat is too sore to talk on the phone! (fate worse than death) but Joan, I don't know what your beliefs are, but if you don't mind, I think I'll send you some healing energy later tonight. Hope it helps. BTW, unless you have an ulcer (in which case you shouldn't do this), warm sage tea (plain ol' culinary sage) is good for a sore throat. --- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.11 * Origin: Louisville Hot House (1:2320/180.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DGB00001 Date: 12/05/96 From: RAIN Time: 08:18pm \/To: MARK SAPIAN (Read 1 times) Subj: Dateline -> $2.99 per min. -> Must be 18 yrs. Do I smell....SPAM??? Sorry, dear, but the Spammers Anonymous echo is down the hall. --- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.11 * Origin: Louisville Hot House (1:2320/180.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DGB00002 Date: 12/06/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 12:53pm \/To: TOM ANDERSON (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: smoking re - your wife having chemo - bummer! I hope she's okay now. I'm sure this has been hard on BOTH of you. I think watching my Dad go through Chemo, radiation, become in danger of dying from the SIDE-EFFECTS of raidiation, (remember he is elderly) and go into "remission" for about 10 -21 days (i'm not sure when it officially was in remission) only to have them find another "spot" on the other lung, which he had a biopsy for Wed., WELLLLLLL......all I can say is I think it's been almost as hard on my step-mom and I, IN SOME WAYS, as it was on him. The same is true of my husbands heart attack. IN SOME WAYS, I think I am suffering as much as or more than he is. That "some ways" being anxiety for me. It's easier to say to accept the things I can not change than to do it in this case - and I've said it a lot lately so I know. For me it's always hard to watch someone I love suffer - and folks I know in Al-Anon could tell you that it came much harder to me than AA ever did. . And this is even more difficult because my Dad and my Husband are basically NICE people - unlike the actively alcoholic and addicted and abusive (did I get enough letter a's in there?) men I was working to detach from in Al-Anon. I've seen moms in Al-Anon trying to detach from their children, whom they still love. It always seemed much harder to me than what I was doing - detaching from some people whose sickness had made them pretty nasty. And I'd say this is about as hard for me as it seemed to be for them. . Of course with my husband there is also fear involved. I am more dependent on him than I realized and more than I want to be - this is because I am disabled, as I believe you know. . About you quitting smoking once before, well, I had a relapse once in AA with both marijuana and pills and ONE glass of wine - the wine made me realize what the other stuff had done to me and scared me back into the halls of AA over 9 years ago now. Because you quit once before and picked up again probably doens't mean that you can't quit now the same way I got sober, relapsed, and went on to acquire - but for the Grace of You-Know-WHO (smile ) - the time I now have sober. I know that I was always told in school that an addiction is an addiction is an addiction and what works for the (psychological and spiritual, NOT Physical) treatment of one usually applies to another. So that is what I base my conclusion on. . And I am telling you this because I wish to heck someone had told me this when I was coming back to AA. I was scared that I was one of those people "constitutionally incapable of being honest with (myself)" - or however that's worded - and that I was doomed not to be able to get sober again. I really was. . Also I KNOW my husband quit smoking once, picked it up again, quit again and went through a withdrawal from Nicotine SO bad that his former boss laid him off for three mos. and then took him back when he was over it. Having seen how irritable he is losing weight and how irritable he was when he gave up Coffee - I almost called off our engagement - I have a feeling I am REALLY TRULY GRATEFUL (emphasis intended) that I had not yet met him when he quit smoking last time. By the way, I believe it's now over five years and running since he quit the second time. . I once heard someone in a partial hospitalization program for people with depression say that sometime when they had clients run back through the program for the second time THAT was when they got it - because they weren't really ready to admit that their need for help was serious the first time. (First step perhaps?) . What helped me the most is something from a program that I have only gone to occasionally, as a guest, and that is the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. Someone let me read a copy of this when I was coming back to AA and the section on relapse is what I'm talking about. It helped me to see that I had to be honest with myself and not make my relapse in AA better or worse than it was. I had to see it realistically - it was serious, but not insurmountable - and it could work out for my own good, giving me a deeper depth of recovery, if I LET it. . Anyway, I hope this helps you. It helped me a lot to share about this stuff and thank you for letting me do so. I do hope your wife's prognosis is good. I think she is a brave woman - perhaps braver than I am. (I hope I never have to find out) . --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DGB00003 Date: 12/06/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 12:57pm \/To: TOM ANDERSON (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: smoking re - IRS - give 'em your time and you won't have a dime - I'm just kidding of course. I talk to someone on another echo who works for them, so I have to say that. Good luck! That is nerve-wracking! . remember that prayer, God (or whatever you believe in ) grant me the WHAT? To do WHAT? (GRIN) . What helps me most in these situations is advice some sage person in AA once gave me. Of course at the time I wanted to hit them. BUt I've since found out they were right. (Don't you just HATE that when this happens in program? GRIN) That advice is this - You don't have to like it or understand it, you just have to accept it. I still don't like this line, but I also know it works. (And I've told my Higher Power that on occasion - I don't like this or understand it, so Please help me accept it NOW, amen. --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DGB00004 Date: 12/06/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 02:20pm \/To: MARK SAPIAN (Read 1 times) Subj: Dateline re - You can find your special someone now!!!! - Thanks, but I've been there, done that, got divorced twice and split up with a third I hadn't married. Then I found me, got married to a fourth GENTLEman, and I'm living happily ever after. --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0)