--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBC00000 Date: 07/06/96 From: SHADOWCAT Time: 02:27am \/To: WILLIAM KINMOND (Read 1 times) Subj: Just a wondering! Yo Richard! Boy do I hear ya! You were talking about your anger and frustration with the pace of your life... And everyone's expectations of you? I hear two issues in your post: your expectations for how things should be. oughtta be shaping up, and the other is dealing with peoples expectations of you - their suspicions or fears or lack of ability to see the changes in you that are already clear to you. One thing I have learned in recovery is that I can't change any situation "out there" but what I can work on is my own attitude about it. When I think about my own expectations, attitudes, and reactions to things, and choose to alter them (they call it evolution - but don't ask me who "they" is) I find that the situation I am in and the things I am experiencing are bound to change - as I apply the principles of the program in my daily life. It's really been true for me, it works. It's real hard not to be caught up in what other people are thinking about me, it took me a long time to learn to cope with it, but I want to tell you, friend, that this can work for you too! The proof is in the pudding. Is someone afraid you will use again? So, did you? Did you use today? All that matters is today. As birthdays pass, and a whole bunch of todays start adding up, it'll seem different, and less important as to what the someone else's all think: because as time goes on, you will find out that the person you need to impress with your sobriety is YOU. Well, that's what I found out, at least. I found out that I could stand on my head or turn cartwheels, but I was wasting my time trying to prove myself to anyone but myself in any part of my life... and as I got more confident about myself, and more sobriety under my belt, I learned to let go of all my yesterdays and really live in the present, living life on life's terms - a phrase someone used on this echo... Today, I live in a community where a whole lot of addicts who aren't in the program take one look at me and think I'm like this straight straight person so better not be open about how they are! It's so funny, because people who formerly would not have been caught dead being seen talking to me in public in my former life - are friendly and accepting of me. But I'm completely honest about who I really am and what my life has been about - I don't broadcast it, but if anyone asks, I'll tell them anything they want to know. My past is like a movie I was watching for a long time. I know it was me, but I feel really detached from it, and free of it. All I know about my future is that I'm not there yet. My days are filled with my present, and every day in the present I live the best I can, I am busy, happy, and enjoy a caring relationship with friends, family, community, program, and my HP. I used to be angry, too. I used to have all the feelings you described. Keep going to meetings, keep talking with all of us in fido, keep coming back, it works. That old saying about "faking it til ya make it" makes a lot of sense. You sound like you're well past faking it, but keep doing as you are, and I know others here will share with me in wishing you strength, hope, peace of mind, and a sense of accomplishment and freedom. Take care write back if you like ciao for now Shadowcat --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: The Alano Club (604)739-1188 (1:153/840) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBC00001 Date: 07/04/96 From: SOBER SWEDE Time: 12:23pm \/To: JAN TROGENSSON (Read 1 times) Subj: Greatings to all off you Hi Jan, -=> Quoting Jan Trogensson to All ??????? <=- JT> This is a form off introduction, i think or hope, JT> in the subject Jan Trogensson. JT> I think that this area is a english speaking area ???? We try. [he..he] There's people from all over the world in here talking over problems and sharing the good things too. It's a nice group and I wish yo welcome. JT> Whell i am a 36 years old Swedish addict, clean and sober at the JT> moment. I am a father of 4 children and out off job. As you can see by my name, Sober Swede, we share that heritage. My fathers mother and father came from Sweden and Gram spoke Swedish quite a bit and I didn't understand most of what she said. But I got the important things. I'm 55 and am an alcoholic. I just got my 4 year coin last month. I have a husband who would prefer drinking but doesn't and a son in AA who has been sobe for 3 1/2 years now. I'm very proud of him. You have 4 children? That's a handful. JT> I wonder if there is some` penfriendsout there ?. It was nice hearing from you and hope to see you often. Andrea ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 [NR] --- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.10 * Origin: The Rochester Exchange 716-359-9468 Rochester NY (1:2613/203.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBC00002 Date: 07/04/96 From: SOBER SWEDE Time: 12:38pm \/To: WILLIAM KINMOND (Read 1 times) Subj: Just a wondering! Hi William, -=> Quoting William Kinmond to All <=- WK> I was wondering if it was normal at say a little over 2 years to WK> have a problem with anger. I am had a real blowup the other day and In a word...YES! Anger is part of all our lives and the difference being that we can learn to handle it. This may not be easy but it's do-able. You'll probably get a lot of ideas and notes on this. Sometimes I wish everyone would do the 12STeps whether alcoholics or not. I've learned so much about myself just by listening at AA meetings and relating others stories and problems to my own. Anger is one of the most difficult things I found to deal with. When I start getting mad about something, I simply STOP right then and there before I say anything. (or do anything) I take a minute to think FIRST. That gives me that "edge" of decision that a lot of people don't use. And it gives me an advantage given most situations. Then I decide if I'm going to do anything about it right now, or think about it, make other decisions about it and then move. I usually find out that what I'm getting so upset about is not that important and I can put it aside. If it's soemthing that needs to be addressed right now then I can do it without explosion and can say what I mean and mean what I say. If I explode I never make any sense and never make my point. WK> time. I am getting tired of constently having to prove that I am clean WK> and plan on staying that way. It seems that when ever I do something WK> that I have not done then there is someone there in my family or WK> friends that say "it looks like you want to use again, are you?" It WK> seems no matter what I do or say I can't seem to get it in there heads WK> things are differant now. I would have to say that this is THEIR problem not yours. You only have to "prove" anything to YOU....no one else. You know who you are, and what you are. If your family is having a problem with trusting you perhaps they have good reason for doubt but they should not constantly be doubting your sincerity with your sobriety. Maybe they need some Alanon meetings so they can deal with their own feelings. I'm sure they have some doubts that need addressing, some bad feelings that need resolving. But you can't do that for them anymore than you can change their minds about you. You handle YOU and let them handle THEMSELVES. You're doing fine. Just smile and let them know you're at peace with yourself and your problem. Andrea ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.20 [NR] --- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.10 * Origin: The Rochester Exchange 716-359-9468 Rochester NY (1:2613/203.0) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBD00000 Date: 07/03/96 From: LINDA GLOVER Time: 08:05am \/To: TIM DILL (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: A place we ate > Wea'll we just saw a dubbel long, dubbel wide trayler.. and we wuz > a hankerin to buy a hef acre to put the trayler on somewhere's in > Virginnie.... > But never you no mind.. Tim Bob and Annalee never bein to > new york sitee afores soes us folks jest sorta 'dopted > the sitee lyfe.... Yep, just about where I thought it might happen...DARN!!! Should have warned you about the spirit of Cousin Jeb and Cousin Daisy. They haunt that stetch of road and jump into the bodies of otherwise smart, hip, knowing souls passing through. They especially like the passing through type...gives them a better chance at spreading the myth. Guess it's time for you to do a 1st Step on Jeb and Daisy, and a 6th Step wouldn't hurt either! (seein' as I'm the topic police, thought that might satisfy the other half of the TP who is probably looking at this with you :-)!!!!) > ... Don't look so frightened this is just a passing phase.. Thank GAWD!!!!! ()s Linda --- DB 1.54/004780 * Origin: The Bearly Bored HST 573-581-6717 1:289/1 (1:289/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBD00001 Date: 07/06/96 From: LINDA GLOVER Time: 08:15am \/To: ED KASKY (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: A place we ate > ... Bartender, I'd like whatever the man on the floor was drinking. Thanks for an early morning chuckle, Ed!!! Hugs, Linda --- DB 1.54/004780 * Origin: The Bearly Bored HST 573-581-6717 1:289/1 (1:289/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBD00002 Date: 06/28/96 From: KITTY JONES Time: 12:08am \/To: ESTHER LINDENFELD (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: multi-program recove EL> Hi there Kitty, EL>It is nice to have people all over the world in your meeting. EL>As well as that though it is also nice to know that no matter EL>where I go there is probably someone there that I know and can EL>contact if I needed to. Well you take care of yourself and EL>take it one day at a time. I hope to talk to you again. EL> Hugs, EL> Esther EL>... Everyone is gifted. Some just open their packages sooner. EL>--- Blue Wave/RA v2.21 [NR] EL> * Origin: The World's End BBS 914-298-0158 (1:2624/610) Hi Esther :)) thanks for writing back to me :)). I feel the same way. :) it does help to know I'm not alone when I'm feeling blue or even when I'm in the pink :). I hope to hear from you again :)) Hugs Kitty ___ * POW 1.1 On Trial * GLYSDI --- Maximus/2 3.01 * Origin: PC Emporium BBS * Boca Raton, FL * 407-994-3690 (1:3638/5) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBD00003 Date: 07/01/96 From: KITTY JONES Time: 09:08pm \/To: WILLIAM KINMOND (Read 1 times) Subj: Just a wondering! WK>MSGID: 1:2613/403 31d31c3c WK>Hello All. WK> I was wondering if it was normal at say a little over 2 years to WK>have a problem with anger. I am had a real blowup the other day WK>and most of it has to do with things not moving as fast as WK>I would like them to. I am sure I will have to live with WK>what I did for a long time. I am getting tired of WK>constently having to prove that I am clean and plan on WK>staying that way. It seems that when ever I do something WK>that I have not done then there is someone there in my WK>family or friends that say "it looks like you want to use WK>again, are you?" It seems no matter what I do or say I WK>can't seem to get it in there heads things are differant WK>now. WK>William Hi William :)...I'm an alcoholic and my name is Kitty :)...After almost 4 years in the program...I too still get angry and have to prove to my family and friends that I want to stay sober, but I've learned that in order for them to truly believe in me...I have to believe in myself and just keep working my program...things have gotten a little better in the last few months, less questioning by family and friends :). Don't give up your soberity for this...just talk to your friends in AA and especailly talk to your sponsor about this. I promise...things will get better after time. Just don't use again and your family and friends will be glad when you prove them wrong. :)) ___ * POW 1.1 On Trial * GLYSDI --- Maximus/2 3.01 * Origin: PC Emporium BBS * Boca Raton, FL * 407-994-3690 (1:3638/5) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBF00000 Date: 07/09/96 From: RICHARD WARD Time: 08:22pm \/To: TIM DILL (Read 1 times) Subj: reply to your FidoNetMail > Area: Private Netmail > Date: 09 Jul 96 16:41:39 Private > From: Tim Dill (102/749) > To: Rich Ward (102/749) > Subject: Stuff... > Richard, Hi Tim, You can announce what you are doing. > throwing it open to election.... No election! I will consider anyone you care to sugget to me though. I would appreciate the suggestions in private. FrRichWard@AOL.com or OSJD West@AOL.com on Internet. > what do you think about this? Then I will discuss it with and will come to an agreement with someone. > Tim... I would like to thank you for your help with the RECOVERY Echo. Richard Imported By MailToss ... Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry. L. Long --- PPoint 1.92 * Origin: Steps of DC West! Long Beach, CA (1:102/749.7) > Over the 4th of July Weekend I agreed to take over the empty > Co-Moderator space of 12_steps as there was a resignation. Who is the moderator in your new echo, perhaps it is time to turn it back on. Jeff --- DB 1.58/003790 * Origin: The Rain Forest * Denver,CO * (1:104/901) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBG00000 Date: 07/11/96 From: JEFF HUNTER Time: 08:34am \/To: TIM DILL (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: Resignation > Over the 4th of July Weekend I agreed to take over the empty > Co-Moderator space of 12_steps as there was a resignation. Who is the moderator in your new echo, perhaps it is time to turn it back on. Jeff --- DB 1.58/003790 * Origin: The Rain Forest * Denver,CO * (1:104/901) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 231 RECOVERY Ref: DBG00001 Date: 07/11/96 From: MATRIKA Time: 10:46am \/To: LINDA GLOVER (Read 1 times) Subj: Re: A place we ate re - Jeb and Daisy - You know we DO have a Multiple Personality Disoreder echo on Fido> GRIN! . Sorry, it was there! --- TriToss (tm) Professional 10.0 - #66 * Origin: Keystone BBS * Shrewsbury, MA * 508-753-3767 (1:322/743.0)