--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00010 Date: 05/12/98 From: GREG SEARS Time: 04:32pm \/To: DAVE COBLE (Read 4 times) Subj: Limerick Dated: 05-09-98 (08:53) GREG SEARS was seen to be out-Limericked by the known expert in Conf: (17) F-FUNNY named DAVE COBLE! #,-o Score: f i v e to o n e ! _ o _'\<,_ __(*)/_(*)__ ON YOUR BIKE __ Greg Sears! OBJoke: A will is a dead giveaway. * SLMR 2.1a * Greg ... P##+ on y'+++R +-+!g++ ++EE|_ s|\|Ea+ TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00011 Date: 05/12/98 From: GREG SEARS Time: 04:37pm \/To: DAVE COBLE (Read 4 times) Subj: Limerick Dated: 05-09-98 (09:08) GREG SEARS was seen to be out-Limericked by the known expert in Conf: (17) F-FUNNY named DAVE COBLE! #,-o Score: f i v e to o n e ! _ o _'\<,_ __(*)/_(*)__ ON YOUR BIKE __ Greg Sears! OBJoke: Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. * SLMR 2.1a * Greg ... P##+ on y'+++R +-+!g++ ++EE|_ s|\|Ea+ TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00012 Date: 05/12/98 From: HEATHER LENNOX Time: 08:10pm \/To: DENIS BURKE (Read 4 times) Subj: Cheek! Hello Cheeky.... DB> .......my dogs are lookin' at me as if I was back sniffing DB> Carpet freshener!!!...you got them too!! Strange tastes you have...! DB> WHERE DID YOU GET MY MED. RECS.!?!?? Well... I work in a police station... Ever since Denis had climbed aboard he'd noticed the lack of conversation and that the truckie was the silent type. It eventually prompted him to ask the truckie if he had a radio. "Nup," was the stern reply. After another long silence Denis said: "Well what do you do to help the time pass?" There was yet another pause before the truckie finally answered: "Well I've got my little mate," and with that he snapped his fingers and a monkey jumped from behind the cabin and landed on the driver's lap. It sat there for ten minutes or so until Denis said: "Well you can't talk to a monkey. What's the use of that?" "Watch this," said the truckie. He gave the monkey a belt on the head and it opened the truckie's fly and gave him a head job. Yet another poignant silence and the relieved driver said: "What do you think of that?" "Not bad. I'm impressed," said Denis. "Would you like to try one yourself?" asked the truckie. "Well I would, if you don't mind, provided you don't hit me on the head as hard as you hit the monkey." ... Gawd I'm such a messaging whore! --- Xenolink 1.984, XQwk 1.6 [REG 10054] * Origin: Amiga Auckland, 64-9-528-5872 (3:772/235) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00013 Date: 05/12/98 From: HEATHER LENNOX Time: 08:10pm \/To: DENIS BURKE (Read 4 times) Subj: And the same to you! Hello chubby-chops! Denis and Garry were arguing politics in the pub. Garry said: "I think Margaret Thatcher has a face liek a sheep's arse." Denis swung his fist and punched him on the nose. "I didn't know you were a conservative? said Garry. "I'm not," said Denis, "I'm a shepherd." Yours sincerely, ... The Irish call their basic currency the punt, because it rhymes with ... bank manager. --- Xenolink 1.984, XQwk 1.6 [REG 10054] * Origin: Amiga Auckland, 64-9-528-5872 (3:772/235) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00014 Date: 05/12/98 From: HEATHER LENNOX Time: 08:10pm \/To: DENIS BURKE (Read 4 times) Subj: Revenge... While putting toilet water on Denis Burke's neck, the seat fell on Denis... A mother of three filed paternity charges on a prominent test cricketer. "On what grounds?" she was asked. "Lords, Old Trafford and the MCG," she replied. Tatty-bye now! ... Sex is only a pain in the arse if you miss. --- Xenolink 1.984, XQwk 1.6 [REG 10054] * Origin: Amiga Auckland, 64-9-528-5872 (3:772/235) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00015 Date: 05/10/98 From: JASEN BETTS Time: 11:59am \/To: GEORGE POPE (Read 4 times) Subj: Rules GP> I understand one of the nicknames for you-all is "Poms"... why? The GP> only "pom" I know about is the "pom-poms" a cheerleader uses. . . 'Pom' is from pomegranate (a fruit) limes are fruit too. do you see a connection yet. --- EzyQwk V1.20 01fa018d * Origin: CSS Brisbane, Qld, Australia. (61-7-3367-3890) (3:640/350) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00016 Date: 05/11/98 From: BOB BUCHANAN Time: 07:22am \/To: JASEN BETTS (Read 4 times) Subj: Internet Oracle 1012-03 -= The esteemed Jasen Betts clued BOB BUCHANAN into the following facts: JB> can you tell the oracle I like the short ones best. Me too. I generally do not post an Oracularity here if it is more than 99 lines long. JB> you could ask him for his fido mail address too :) If you have a question for the Internet Oracle, please send e-mail to: oracle@cs.indiana.edu with a subject of tellme Enter your question in the body of the message. You will get a reply back, usually within a couple of days. Please note that as payment for this service, the Oracle may send YOU a question to provide a witty answer to! This, IMHO is where the fun really begins! Cheers! Bob ... Proof of sentience: Enjoying the Internet Oracle. --- Blue Wave/Max v2.30 * Origin: Brainstormers Idea Exchange, Calgary AB (403)285-5928 (1:134/61) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00017 Date: 05/12/98 From: BOB BUCHANAN Time: 07:50am \/To: *.* (Read 4 times) Subj: Internet Oracle 1016-01 Date: Fri, 8 May 1998 07:36:38 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Subject: Internet Oracularities #1016 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dearest, most wondrous Oracle, please enlighten your supplicant: > > Why is it that we Australians seem so desperate for the rest of the > world to take notice of us? Where does this bizarre national > inferiority complex come from? ("Cultural cringe", we call it). It's a > perfectly damn fine place to live (best in the world of course)! > (if you know David Letterman, could you ask him to broadcast a couple > of shows from Melbourne?) > DAMN! there it goes again! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's the maps. Not only is Austrailia relegated to the lower left } corner in most standard orientation world maps, the eyes tend to hover } over a part of southeastern asia on the way which still causes more } than a bit of discomfort for many northwest hemispherians. The } corporate citizenry isn't being of much help; judging from merkin } commercials and other popular sources of information, the entire } continent consists of: } } 1. A big dusty place where Paul Hogan drives Subarus } 2. A tree harboring a Koala bear with a dislike of air transport } 3. Dumb guys salivating after standoffish statuesque women with an } utterly inexplicable penchant for second-rate steaks and batter } dipped onions } 4. A giant can of Fosters } 5. Three dozen kangaroos } 6. A 2 m. tall tazmanian devil } 7. The Sydney Opera House } 8. Giant barbequed prawns } 9. Three aboriginies } 10. Thirty-seven marginally talented and overmarketed rock bands } 11. Actresses and models who all look like the product of some } Aryan eugenics program } 12. Great white shark infested coral reefs } } Number 4 is particularly odd, given that all the Foster's currently } available in the states is perpetrated in Canada. } I suggest you do nothing to change any of this. If perchance you ever } _do_ manage to attract the attention of the dominant culture, you } probably won't be able to get away with showing up for work for a total } of six hours from November thru January, as is the custom now. Be glad } of what you've got. } } You owe the Oracle an explanation of why your government insists on } shooting and poisoning its cockatiels rather than exporting them. Now } _that_'s cringeworthy. --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: Brainstormers Idea Exchange Calgary AB (403)285-5928 (1:134/61) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00018 Date: 05/12/98 From: BOB BUCHANAN Time: 07:50am \/To: 8.* (Read 4 times) Subj: Internet Oracle 1014-02 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, clouds flee when you pass, swamps gurgle away and reveal > fertile silt! Oracle, you have gazed under the tops of mountains > and seen what makes those pointed peaks! > > What lesson is it a training bra is supposed to impart? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Young supplicant, you have asked a question that warms my heart. } } While the simple answer is they impart the noble virtues of perkiness } and cleavage, there is a more subtle and sinister lesson learned in } this training. } } Training bras invoke in the wearer a certain surety that one is defined } by her sexuality, and that one must fit "the mold" of her society's } aesthetics. This lesson will remain in one's subconscious throughout } her life, forever tainting her choices and goals. } } But then again, who are we to complain? ;) } } You owe the Oracle some training pants. Oops! --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: Brainstormers Idea Exchange Calgary AB (403)285-5928 (1:134/61) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY Ref: F5H00019 Date: 05/12/98 From: BOB BUCHANAN Time: 07:50am \/To: *.* (Read 4 times) Subj: Internet Oracle 1016-03 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > what is vulva ? is it a good track? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } In Swedish, it is a feminine noun refering to a variety of domestically } manufactured car. } You owe the Oracle a tract on autoeroticism. --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: Brainstormers Idea Exchange Calgary AB (403)285-5928 (1:134/61)