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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00545 Date: 04/25/98
From: RACHEL DAWSON                                         Time: 06:31pm
\/To: JITENDER SAAN                                       (Read 5 times)
Subj: Re: Fiction friction

JS> Robert Heinlein:
JS> ----------------
JS> The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on a
JS> government contract.
JS> 
JS> Delusions are often functional.  A mother's opinions about her
JS> children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, etcetera ad nauseam, keep her
JS> from drowning them at birth.
JS> 
JS> Money is a powerful aphrodisiac.  But flowers work almost as well.
JS> 
JS> Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
I have more of these.  I love Lazarus Long quotes.
Rachel
--- GEcho 1.00
 * Origin: HellTown BBS (209)476-8884 Stockton,CA. (1:208/206)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00546 Date: 04/27/98
From: KENNETH RICH                                          Time: 06:44pm
\/To: JOSEPH FERENCHIK                                    (Read 5 times)
Subj: We've all heard them...

 -=> Quoting Joseph Ferenchik to All <=-
 JF> Hi gang,
 JF> Hey lets start a new thread on the euphamism's of a
 JF> person not being all there...I'll start with a couple.
 JF> He's 2 bottles shy of a six pack.
 JF> I don't think that his bread's quite done.
 his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
 he's a couple of bricks shy of a load.
... if it walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, break out the gravy.
___ Blue Wave/386 v2.30 [NR]
--- Join League 94
 * Origin: Rangers of Midnight BBS 770-944-8870 Mableton, Ga. (1:133/8870)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00547 Date: 04/26/98
From: GEORGE POPE                                           Time: 08:47pm
\/To: ALL                                                 (Read 5 times)
Subj: Did you ever wonder?

Did you ever wonder if your mom gave dad a blowjob right before she kissed 
ou
good-night?  I asked a 16yo buddy that & he goes & asks his mom that same 
ay,
and she, humorous lady she was, says, "Oh, most likely, why, did you notice
something different in how I tasted?" *LOL*
So, kiddies, go ask your mom(or dad) this question right now. . . (you may 
need
to know this answer, for your own peace of mind... (esp. now since I've so
cruelly raised the question in your brain!)
Your servant, <+]::-), "Cyberpope", servant to Y'shua the King!
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
... nfx v2.8 [C0000] <feces> happens... so? Scrape it off then move on!      
--- EzyQwk V1.48g0 01fa0167
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00548 Date: 04/26/98
From: GEORGE POPE                                           Time: 08:49pm
\/To: MICHAEL TRACHTENBERG                                (Read 5 times)
Subj: CONSULTANTS

MT>   4. So what do you need me to tell you?
That's all a consultant is, someone we tell everything about our operation 
o,
then pay to have them repeat it back to us!
Then there was the efficiency consultant who was talking to a buddy, 
explaining
how he timed his wife's making of his lunch, and noted that it took her 33
minutes.  He suggested to her that if she made 2 large trips from the fridge,
instead of many smaller ones, she could speed it up.  His buddy asks him, 
So?
Did your idea work?"  The consultant answers, "Sure did!  While it too her 33
minutes to make my lunch, it only takes me 14 now!"
Your servant, <+]::-), "Cyberpope", servant to Y'shua the King!
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
... nfx v2.8 [C0000] FAITH is daring 2 go farther than you can see.          
--- EzyQwk V1.48g0 01fa0167
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00549 Date: 04/26/98
From: GEORGE POPE                                           Time: 08:54pm
\/To: HOWARD HELLER                                       (Read 5 times)
Subj: TELEMARKETERS

HH>  RB> 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and...
HH>
HH>
HH> Telemarketer:  "Hello. May I please speak to Rick Burwell ?"
HH> You:  "I'm sorry, he died tragically in a boating accident last week."
HH> This is a favorite of a friend of mine...and they'll never call again. 
o
I read one recently, that I've GOTTA try...
-say "no" over and over again, while they're talking, varying the
pitch/intonation each time, until they hang up on you.
Your servant, <+]::-), "Cyberpope", servant to Y'shua the King!
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
... nfx v2.8 [C0000] <feces> happens... so? Scrape it off then move on!      
--- EzyQwk V1.48g0 01fa0167
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00550 Date: 04/28/98
From: GREG SEARS                                            Time: 09:38am
\/To: GARRY SIMMONDS                                      (Read 5 times)
Subj: 8-P stroke Choclate +++++

Dated: 04-24-98 (19:43) GARRY SIMMONDS was heard talking To: GREG SEARS
something about the relatives ............
GS>AREA:FUNNY
  >Hi Greg...
  >A young punker gets on the crosstown bus. He's got spiked, multicolored h
                o  /
 small  c l i p  >* ---------- things in common ---------------------
                o  \
GS>Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young
  >in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and screwed a parrot. I thou
  >maybe you were my son."
I enjoy stories about wild exotic birds and people! #[;-]
 _  o
(_|_/# From the Desk of Greg Sears: OBJokes ..............
 II< Z
Q: What did the Egg say to the Boiling Water?
A: "I just got laid, and you want me to get hard in 5 minutes???"
Early one morning the Mole family awoke and Daddy mole climbed to the
top of the mole hole and sniffed the air.  "I smell bacon frying," he
said.  Momma mole crowded in beside him and sniffed the air, "I smell
eggs cooking," she said.  Baby mole tried and tried to get to the top
but there was no room left so he said, "All I can smell is molasses!"
 * SLMR 2.1a * When I get a grip on reality, the Dam handle falls off!
--- ViaMAIL!/SL v1.40h
 * Origin: Southern Lights - Christchurch NZ. +64-3-388-6655  (3:770/125)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00551 Date: 04/28/98
From: GREG SEARS                                            Time: 10:32am
\/To: GARRY SIMMONDS                                      (Read 5 times)
Subj: Button Hole

>> Message CENSORED by ViaMAIL! <<
Dated: 04-24-98 (19:46) GARRY SIMMONDS was talking To: GREG SEARS
about RANDOM THOUGHTS ..............
GS>AREA:FUNNY
  >Hi Greg...
  >   * Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
  >     and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
No it seems to me the slower Joker just doesn't know the hurry I'm in!
The faster joker is running late for his car crash! #:-o
GS>   * You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five
  >     miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
  >     the hell she is.
Now this could be a good thing ! #:-0
GS>   * I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but yo
  >     must eat it with naked fat people.
Ha  where do you get the ^^^^^ ^^^ ^^^^^^? Are they extra? #:-0
GS>   * I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmet
I've been told `cause I'm not  t h a t  old' it was for the music! #:0
GS>   * If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by
  >     candlelight.
Hey this is true for me once, I'd forgotten to pay the power bill! #:0
GS>   * Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
  >     Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger.Next
  >     morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
I've been here done that, cause I get all my dress-up clothes from there
 .... at least that is what my flat-mate says!!! #[:-)]
 _  o
(_|_/# From the Desk of Greg Sears: OBJoke ... get your Q's & A's
 II< Z
Q: Have you heard about the ***got Patch Dolls?
A: They come with A.I.D.S. and a death certificate.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to butt f*ck.
Q: What's the worst part about having AIDS?
A: Leaving your friends behind!
Q: Why did the minister get AIDS?
A: He didn't wash his organ between hims.
Q: What's the difference between mono and herpes?
A: You get mono from snatching a kiss.
Q: What do the initials in A.I.D.S. stand for?
A: Anally Inserted Death Sentence.
Q: How does herpes get out of the hospital?
A: On crotches.
Q: What does GAY stand for?
A: Got AIDS Yet?
Q: What's dangerous & eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.
Q: What's the difference between love and herpes?
A: Herpes lasts forever.
 * SLMR 2.1a * When I get a grip on reality, the Dam handle falls off!
--- ViaMAIL!/SL v1.40h
 * Origin: Southern Lights - Christchurch NZ. +64-3-388-6655  (3:770/125)
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FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 104 FUNNY         Ref: F5G00552 Date: 04/28/98
From: GREG SEARS                                            Time: 10:24am
\/To: JEFFREY MEIKLE                                      (Read 5 times)
Subj: Rules

>> Message CENSORED by ViaMAIL! <<
Dated: 04-27-98 (14:18) JEFFREY MEIKLE was confused saying To: GREG SEARS
JM>AREA:FUNNY
  >  >Ahh :) you been watching tv again <G> i think it was on PIO :))
  >  >Cheers
  > GS> Very good mate, now where did this one come from?   #[:-)]
  > GS> OBJoke:
  > GS> The  minister entered the bathroom at the church, and while he was
Hey, you're not reading the clues ^^^^^^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^^^^^
                o  /