--------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDM00000 Date: 09/14/97 From: MICHAEL KIRST Time: 03:01pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: Weekly Echo Traffic Report ==============================( [ ORIGX ] v2.2 ============================== ORIGIN LINE ACTIVITY ======================( Adoptees Echo Carrying Systems ===================== * Madman BBS * Chico, California * 916-893-8079 * (1:119/88) 0.14% Dave's RA! Lowell Ma (1:324/278) 0.28% (1:324/127) 0.14% (Scouter's Haven) (1:129/186.0) 7.31% * Origin: Easy Access Internet * (1:112/2730) 0.14% * CyberCom BBS * Lakewood, OH * 216-228-6065 * Fido 1:157/445 * 33.6 0.14% * Origin: Easy Access ISP/BBS * Florida, US * 904-276 (1:112/2730) 0.14% --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDM00001 Date: 09/15/97 From: GARY SMITH Time: 09:07pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: greetings Good evening! My name is Gary Clayton Smith, and this is my first visit to this echo. I am a 44-year-old adoptee from Louisiana. My life has been what I could only call "ideal." My parents told me when I was 4 that I was adopted; I understood then what it meant, and after I was told, we all forgot about it. Then, this past May, in messing around on the internet, I began exploring various web sites related to adoptees. I found all sorts of registries (free and toll) and other forms of search information available to adoptees. Well, one thing led to another, and I decided to begin an earnest search. First, I registered with the La. Voluntary Registry. As part of that process, I had to undergo an hour of counseling. did that, too, without complaint. (Since my counselor is also an adoptee who has found her birth mother, I felt quite at ease.) Next, I contacted the adoption home that plced me and got non-identifying information. And that's where I am now in the process. The info from the adoption home was VERY exciting, although it doesn't seem to be all THAT valuable in helping me go forward in the search. I was wondering if anyone else has gone this route and can tell me what info is helpful. At least I know a little about whom I look like, and THAT was always the reason I began searching. My counselor said that my next step now is to obtain a copy of my birth certificate. I neve knew I had one. Until now, my certificate of adoption has gotten me whatever I needed. Without some miraculous revelation on the BC, I really have no idea where to go next. I would appreciate any assistance from those of you who have been on this echo and might have gone this way before me. Thanks! Gary --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: Orion's Sword-Bush,LA-(504)867-9701-V.* (1:3828/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDM00002 Date: 09/15/97 From: MODERATOR Time: 03:04pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: Echo Rules Posting ADOPTEES ECHO RULES AND GUIDELINES Revised 29 January 1997 ALL USERS WHO HAVE ACCESS TO THIS ECHO MUST READ THIS. BY POSTING MESSAGES IN THE ECHO, YOU AGREE TO ACCEPT AND ABIDE BY THE RULES OF THIS CONFERENCE AS POSTED. In compliance with FidoNet Echo Policy, the conference rules will be posted no less than once per month, and nothing in these rules will supersede or replace any valid FidoNet rule or policy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. All rules violations are to be addressed ONLY by the Moderator, or Co-Moderator. Please leave the moderating to the Moderator. 2. Questions or comments regarding Moderator policy and/or this echo's rules are welcomed, but we must request that they be restricted to Netmail in order prevent unnecessary disruption of the normal discussions carried out in the echo. 3. Be considerate of one another and keep your sense of humor. Personal attacks (thinly disguised or not) are prohibited. The useful exchange of information requires you to accept that people have opinions or experiences which may contrast with yours. The object of this conference is to learn from or help others, not argue with them. Professionalism is something ADOPTEES Echo users have come to expect and respect. 4. Encrypted, encoded or rotated messages are forbidden. This includes "chain" messages. 5. Please try to keep the quoted portions of your messages BRIEF. Excessive quoting adds to expense and overhead while reading or transporting messages. Quote just enough to identify the thread of the conversation for other users. 6. Keep the Topic lines current. If your message content has wandered from the original topic, enter a new topic line. If possible, turn off the RE: feature of your message reader/editor. 7. Posting of test messages, and posting of BBS ads will be considered annoying behavior. Initial "seed" messages are permitted. 8. Advertising for commercial ventures, even though "Search" related, will not be tolerated. Posting "price lists" for your services is not permitted. Conduct "business" via either Netmail, U.S. Mail or by voice via telephone. Any "professional" users of this echo when contacted by another user are requested to advise your potential "client" of any fees that may be incurred PRIOR to actually incurring those costs! Referrals to individuals who are known to charge a fee for their services are requested to identify the fact that a fee may be involved at the time the referral is made. Reports of "rip off" searchers and/or organizations are encouraged to help protect other echo participants from becoming victums of the "rip off". However, be prepared to back-up any claims with verifiable proof... 9. The use of visible ASCII (control) characters ASCII 31 and below, and the use of eight bit characters above ASCII 127 is not permitted. Some computer systems cannot handle these characters properly. 10. No aliases are allowed in this conference. Use your full, real name. If you log onto a BBS under an alias, you must sign your messages with your full, real name. We like to know who we are helping in their search. 11. This conference MAY NOT be ported to the BIX echomail system, CompuServe or to any other network's mail system without the express written permission of the Moderators. Permission is *_only_* required if the "full traffic flow" (or "near full traffic flow") is being re-posted/gated into another message system or echo. If individual (or selected) messages are being re-posted, there is no need to request/obtain permission from the Moderators. If the message(s) being re-posted/gated are not your own messages, you "should" obtain permission from the author of the message(s). 12. Messages soliciting membership in any organization for which there is a fee for membership are *_not_* permitted in this echo. Since that organization is taking in money for their operation, they can afford to pay to send out their membership solicitations. 13. Referrals to people who belong to such organizations which could or would involve any fee(s) having to be paid by the person being referred should include full disclosure of the fee(s) involved. This is intended to prevent people from being "blind sided" by any fee(s) which they were not aware of prior to making the initial contact. 14. Placing collect phone calls to people seeking assistance in this echo without their *_advance_* permission to call collect is not permitted since that would cause people to incurr a financial obligation (or burden) prior to granting their permission to do so. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- You may reach the moderator at the following Netmail addresses: Michael Kirst 1:3633/36 --- MsgPost 1.1 * Origin: The Noble House BBS - Kissimmee, FL (407)847-8990 (1:3633/36) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDM00003 Date: 09/17/97 From: GARY SMITH Time: 08:51pm \/To: MICHAEL KIRST (Read 0 times) Subj: this echo Hello, Michael: Adoptee Echo has just become available to me, and I posted once. So far I've seen only your posts. Am I missing out on something? I'm getting into my search for my birth mother and I am hoping to learn some how-to's and what-not-to's from you veterans. Hope to hear from you soon. Gary --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: Orion's Sword-Bush,LA-(504)867-9701-V.* (1:3828/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDP00000 Date: 09/18/97 From: PATTY MULDER Time: 02:23pm \/To: DAN RICHTER (Read 0 times) Subj: Adoptee -=> Quoting Dan Richter to All <=- DR> I just got hooked up to this echo, and have a couple questions for DR> those of you that have found your birthparents... DR> Why were you looking for them? DR> Did you find what you were looking for? DR> How did it affect your relationship with your adopted parents? DR> What kind of relationship do you have with your birthparents? Hi Dan! This may come under the heading of better late than never... 1. I searched for and found my birth family because I always had the feeling of being incomplete, that there was a "hole" in my heart. I was kept at home for 8 months before being relinquished, and, even though my adopted parents were (and are) wonderful, I simply needed to see someone who looked like me besides my kids. 2. Along the way to my birthmom, I found who I really was. After finding my rather large family, I was able to finish college, leave a bad marriage, and remarry. I was finally able to "allow myself to succeed." It was an important revalation and realization, so, yes, I did find what I was looking for. 3. My rediscovery of my birth family actually strengthened my relationship with my adopted Dad. He helped me look, and encouraged me to keep trying. My adopted Mom died in 1982 and she had always wanted me to find my birthmom so she could thank her for giving me up. 4. My relationship with my birthfamily is great! They were all waiting for me to walk back into their lives. My birthfather died in 1970 and his family did not know of my exsistence. I have met one of his brothers who "guessed" who I really was and was very nice. I'm sad to say that we buried my birthmom in April of this year and that I will always be grateful that I looked for her when I did. I was listed as her daughter on her obituary and saw her the day before she died. I am always introduced as, "Evelyn's baby," to extended family unaware of my re-entrance into the family. I would not trade my search and the ensuing developments for ANYTHING. They have made my life "complete," and I finally feel, "whole." For those of you who are considering searching, DO IT TODAY! People are perishable! The only downside is that I do genealogy and now I have TWO sets of family trees! For those who think they would have trouble loving two sets of parents, please consider....Many people have two children and are able to love both adequately, why shouldn't we be able to love more than one set of parents? Patty Mulder ISO male adoptee born 07/28/63 in Butte County Hospital, Oroville, CA. ... Who will now relinquish her soapbox to the next commentator... --- Blue Wave/Max v2.20 [NR] * Origin: * Madman BBS * Chico, California * 916-893-8079 * (1:119/88) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDQ00000 Date: 09/20/97 From: GARY SMITH Time: 09:47am \/To: DAN RICHTER (Read 0 times) Subj: questions Hi, Dan I saw your questions about adoptees searching for their birth parents, and I thought I'd throw in my humble comments. I haven't found my birth parents yet, so you'll probably have to endure my letters as I go. My search began in May. I am now 44 years old, and I have had an ideal life. My adoptive parents told me when I was 4 that I was an adopted child, and I fully understood all that...and then we forgot about it. They ARE my parents. There have never been any shadows or question marks when I say "Mom" or "Dad." BUT...back in May, I was watching the season finale episode of "The Pretender" on television, and something clicked. I have identified with the Jarod character all along anyway, and in that episode he got about a half-minute look at his birth mother. Then she was whisked away in a taxi. Well, I started playing around with adoptee sites on the Web, and my curiostiy grew. Some other adoptees told me where to go, and my search is now underway in earnest. I started looking when I realized that I don't know what it's like to look like someone else. The adoption home sent me my actual files (excpet for parents' names), so I now actually SEE in print that I have the hair color of some woman somewhere, and I have the height and eye color of some man somewhere. Possession of such knowledge has been a VERY exciting revelation to me! I do NOT want to know about any inheritance, nor do I want to know of any catastrophic illness awaiting me. I just want to meet people I look like. I am open to a full, on-going relationship with those people if I find them. AND, my adoptive dad died 4 years ago. I guess I miss having a strict, no-nonsense father figure still telling me what I should and should not do. 8)) I used to think he was impossibly strict on me when I was a teen, but now I actually miss that! Does that make sense? I haven't told my mom that I'm searching. She said years ago that she would not mind if I ever wanted to look...but I personally would feel funny telling her. If I ever find my birth mother and she wants to meet Mom, I don't know what I'll do. You'll certainly get a different answer to your questions from all those who respond. Mine might be a little different since I "still haven't found what I'm looking for." Thanks for tolerating me. Gary --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: Orion's Sword-Bush,LA-(504)867-9701-V.* (1:3828/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDQ00001 Date: 09/20/97 From: GARY SMITH Time: 09:58am \/To: PATTY MULDER (Read 0 times) Subj: hello Patty: I read with great interest your post to Dan Richter. I am at an impasse in my search, and at this point I know of absolutely nothing else I can do on my own. 1. I got my non-identifying info from the adoption home 2. I now know that I might be able to request the hospital records of my birth 3. I am ready to send off for my birth certificate (I never knew that I had one! Until now, my certificate of adoption has sufficed) 4. I am in the Soundex Registry 5. I am in the La. Voluntary Registry 6. I am in a few free registries on the Internet Is there anything you did in your search that I have not considered or accomplished yet? The adoption file has the actual names on it, but, of course, I'll never get to see them...same on the BC and hospital records...and the registries MIGHT work only if my birth mother was already in them herself OR searching them herself. And if I look for microfilm newspapers on my birth date, I really doubt that there would be any specific birth announcement that would be useful. So, short of hiring some expensive stranger to search for me, I really don't know what to do next. I contacted a lady from a search/support group in New Orleans, and she said that for a (LARGE) fee, she would get a friend of hers to copy my civil court file and get the name of my birth mother. I assumed that info was sealed and therefore such an approach would be unethical. Hope you can suggest something helpful. Oh, and thank you for saying that you are glad you searched. At times, I still wonder if I'm toying with stuff that shouldn't be messed with, you know? Gary --- Maximus 3.01 * Origin: Orion's Sword-Bush,LA-(504)867-9701-V.* (1:3828/1) --------------- FIDO MESSAGE AREA==> TOPIC: 162 ADOPTEES Ref: EDR00000 Date: 09/21/97 From: MICHAEL KIRST Time: 03:01pm \/To: ALL (Read 0 times) Subj: Weekly Echo Traffic Report ==============================( [ ORIGX ] v2.2 ============================== ORIGIN LINE ACTIVITY ======================( Adoptees Echo Carrying Systems ===================== * Madman BBS * Chico, California * 916-893-8079 * (1:119/88) 0.28% Dave's RA! Lowell Ma (1:324/278) 0.28% (1:324/127) 0.14% (Scouter's Haven) (1:129/186.0) 7.27% * Origin: Easy Access Internet * (1:112/2730) 0.14% * CyberCom BBS * Lakewood, OH * 216-228-6065 * Fido 1:157/445 * 33.6 0.14% * Origin: Easy Access ISP/BBS * Florida, US * 904-276 (1:112/2730) 0.14%